Details and Dedication
by Lenni George
Summary: The continuing saga of Mike and Kate Logan. This section of the story is now closed. For the continuing saga of Mike and Kate, please see my new story - Endings and Exits.
1. Chapter 1

Home of Phil and Elaine Ceretta

Oyster Bay, NY

February 4, 2006

7:30 pm

"Did you have enough to eat, Mike?" Phil asked, handing Logan a bottle of beer and then sitting down on the sofa.

"More than enough," Logan agreed, "Don't tell Kate, but Elaine's stuffed shells are my favorite."

"Your secret's safe," Phil nodded, then, "Looks like married life is agreeing with you."

Logan smiled, "Yeah, it is."

"I'm not gonna lie to you. When Donnie Cragen called to tell me that you got hitched, I thought he'd gone back to the bottle," Phil laughed.

"Sometimes, I have trouble believing it myself," he admitted, taking a drink of beer. After he swallowed, he said, "Every now and then, it hits me."

"Second thoughts?"

Logan shook his head, "Not for me. She kinda freaked out a few times in the first couple of days."

"Well, shit, Mike, she must've been in shock. After all that time, you pop the question and then actually go through with a wedding? I don't blame her one bit."

'It's funny. Last time, I didn't want to commit, even though we weren't seeing anybody else. I didn't even want to think about moving in together. This time, I'm the one who brought it up."

"Times change, people change."

"Shit, ten years on Satan's Island is enough to change anybody," Logan sniffed.

"Ah, you know what they say? You gotta hit bottom before you can rebuild."

Logan laughed. "You reading fortune cookies or something?"

"Or something," Phil agreed. "Sitting around here, looking out at the water makes you think. Sometimes you think too damn much."

"You do need a hobby."

"That's what Elaine keeps saying." Phil drank a mouthful of beer. "You know, me and Elaine are going to celebrate our 35th Anniversary this year."

"Shit, that's amazing. How the hell do you do it?"

"My father-in-law told me that the secret to having a good marriage is all in the "double D's"."

"Double D's? Let me guess, your mother-in-law was stacked?"

"I'm not talkin' tits, Mike," Phil laughed. "My father-in-law used to say the two things you need to remember to keep your marriage working were details and dedication. You pay attention to the details, the little shit that she doesn't think you notice. Remember the stupid little things. And have the dedication to keep working at the day to day shit." Phil studied his former partner. "You two are still on your honeymoon. Wait til the pipes burst, or the heater goes or something like that. That's the true test."

Realization hit Logan between the eyes. "Come to think of it, we haven't really fought lately."

"You will," was Phil's knowing reply. "Give it time."

"Great, something to look forward to…"

"You guys plan on having a family?"

Logan opened his mouth to speak, but Phil stopped him.

"Yeah, I know the story, Mike. What about Kate? She want kids?"

"We don't talk about it," Logan replied, refusing to let his mind wander down that road.

"Don't you think you should?"

"You know Kate, if it was important to her, she'd bring it up."

Phil laughed. "Okay, education time. You know you're walking around on egg shells trying to make her happy, aren't you?"

"No."

"Bullshit," he dismissed. "It may not be that dramatic, but you're worried about pissing her off, admit it. You don't want to be the one to burst the bubble on this happy little thing you've got going."

"Well…"

"Ever think she was doing the same thing?" Phil smiled fondly. "Look, Mike, I'm not telling you this to scare you. I'm telling you this out of experience. You guys need to stop trying to be the perfect Mr. and Mrs. Logan and go back to being Mike and Kate. Blemishes and all."

Logan studied his beer bottle for a second. "You ever get tired of being right all the time?"

"No, but you'll be the first one I call if I ever do," Phil laughed.

"So now what? I go pick a fight with her to get it over with?"

"Nah, just relax," he knowingly said. "It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that you guys are good together. You guys have a long history; you've been through a lot. It's not all going to fall to hell because you argue over the credit card bill or who drank the last of the milk."

Logan shook his head, "I'm gonna call you when she chews my ass out for drinking out of the milk carton."

"Yeah? You do that. Elaine's been chewing me out for doing it for 35 years."

"Why don't I doubt that?"

9:30 pm

"You sure you're okay driving?" Kate asked as they drove onto the Long Island Expressway.

"I'm fine," he said, squeezing her hand.

"Good," she smiled, kicking off her shoes and stretching out her legs, "Cuz I ate enough for three people and am pretty damn uncomfortable right now."

"So the huge piece of chocolate cake was a mistake?" he teased.

"Oh, hell no," she laughed, "Chocolate cake can never be a mistake."

"Phil looks good, doesn't he?"

"Yeah, retirement's agreeing with him. Now, if only his retirement would agree with Elaine."

"He needs to find a hobby."

"Or something," she mused, then, "Can you picture us like that, Mikey?"

"Retired to a big old house on Oyster Bay?" he shrugged. "Or with me getting under your feet all the time."

"Both. We never talk about the future. I just wondered how you pictured it. Or if you even think about it."

"I don't know," he admitted, "I don't really think about it." He pulled his eyes from the road for a moment and studied her. "You do, don't you?"

"I do," she nodded. "I never used to let myself, but since we got married, I figured I can get away with it."

"So, let me guess," he said with a smile, "You picture us in some nice house down on the Jersey shore."

"No," she laughed, "I picture us living in the city, just the way we are now."

He raised a brow, "Really?"

"Really. I wouldn't dream of taking you out of Manhattan."

"I'd go, you know. To the Jersey Shore."

"You would, but you wouldn't be happy." He opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off, "Admit it, Mikey. I know you want to say you'd be happy to just be with me, but come on. After four days in Vegas, you were itching to get home to your familiar haunts." When he didn't respond, she went on, her tone soft, "I'm not saying that's a bad thing. I'm just saying that's what would make you happy."

"And what about you?"

"I'd be happy," she said, with a smile. "You'll retire a good ten years before me. By the time I retire, you'll be settled into your routine and I'll have missed all that walking around lost and looking for something to do part of the program."

He looked at her out of the corner of his eyes. "Can I ask you something?"

"What?"

"Do you still have second thoughts about getting married?"

"Where did that come from?"

He shrugged.

"Mikey, I'll admit that I was in shock for the first day or two, but I don't doubt our decision at all." She stopped, suddenly concerned that maybe he was the one having second thoughts. "Why? Are you having second thoughts?"

"Me? No," he quickly said, then, "Some of the stuff Phil said got me thinkin', that's all."

"About?"

"Nah," he turned and gave her a smile, "You know what happens when I think too damn much." He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it.

"Nice try, Detective Logan," she softly laughed. "This is me you're talking to, here. What's really bothering you?"

"I gotta ask you something," he began, still looking straight ahead. "And I want you to be honest with me."

"Okay."

"Do you want kids?"

"Do I want kids?" she looked at him, confused.

"Yeah, do you?"

"Mikey, we're not having kids," she dismissed.

"Why not?"

"Because you…"

"Me," he repeated. "Because of me. What about you? What do you want?"

"Mikey…what the hell's going on here?"

Logan pulled the car over onto the shoulder and put it in to park. "I asked you a question. Do you want to have children?"

"Why are you asking me that? I know the way you feel…"

"Forget me. Forget what I feel. What do you want?" he insisted.

"I can't forget you and what you feel," she returned.

"So you're going to put what you want aside because of me and my problems?"

"Why are you jumping my shit over this?" she shot back, "Jesus, Mike. Yeah, I used to want kids. When we were younger I'd picture us with a couple of kids. But then we broke up and my life went on. I stopped thinking about it, just like I stopped thinking about being a movie star and marrying Sting." She massaged her temples. "I don't get this. We were fine with this issue…shit, it wasn't even an issue. Now you've gone and made it one."

"Katie," he began, "I'm just trying to tell you that I don't want you to put what you want aside for me."

"I don't," she protested.

"Do you want to have kids?" he repeated.

Kate took a deep breath and released it. He was frustrating the hell out of her and she was losing her patience. "What do you want me to say, Mike? That I do want to have kids? That I'm going to hate you til the day I die because you're robbing me of my chance to have kids?"

"If it's true, yeah."

"Well it isn't true," she shot back. "If I wanted kids so goddamned bad, I'd have had them by now. You don't need a husband to raise a kid and I've known enough men I could have used as sperm donors."

"Oh, that's just lovely," he rolled his eyes.

"What do you want me to say, Mike? I'm telling you the truth. For God's sake, I'm 40 years old and you've got 10 years on me. We've just got married, we're just figuring out what we want to do with our lives together."

"And that's my point. If you wanted to have a kid, you don't have much time left to do it…"

"Stop!" she snapped. "Please? Don't do this to me, Mikey."

"But…"

"No, no buts. Please. We've had a nice dinner with Phil and Elaine. I was looking forward to just going home, getting into bed and watching the rest of the Islanders game." She looked out the window.

"Whatever," he dismissed, putting the car back into drive and pulling back out onto the highway.

Apartment of Mike and Kate Logan

10:30 pm

Kate lay in bed watching the hockey game. She'd had a pounding headache since the ride home and contemplated getting out of bed to get a Tylenol. Logan had decided to take a walk after they got home. He said he wanted to clear his head. She wished she could clear hers.

"So," Logan's voice began, causing her to look at the doorway. "I thought maybe, you'd want to share some ice cream with me while we watched the game." He held up a pint of Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia and two spoons.

"Where'd you get that?" she asked, a hint of smile playing on her lips.

"I walked down to Izzy's All Night Deli," he admitted, sitting on the bed next to her and handing her a spoon. He took the lid off of the ice cream and sat it on the nightstand, "Here you get first spoon."

She looked at him with a dubious smile, and then dug out a large spoon of ice cream out of the container.

He watched as she placed the ice cream in her mouth and chewed on a large chunk of chocolate. He'd done just what Phil told him not to do. He provoked them into a fight. He'd picked a subject he knew would work and pushed her right into an argument. Of course, he didn't realize what he was doing at the time. If he had, he'd have stopped himself. Now, he felt like a jerk.

"I thought we were sharing," she said, digging out another spoonful. "Come on…" she smiled, bringing the spoon to his lips, "You know you want it…"

He allowed her to feed him the ice cream, watching as a smile spread across her features. "I'm sorry, Katie. I was being a total dickhead in the car and I'm sorry."

"Well," she mused, "You pissed me off…but it's been a while since you've done that. I was starting to wonder if we both got soft or something."

"Why didn't you say something?"

"What was I supposed to do? Come home and say, "Oh by they way, Mikey, we haven't had a good argument in a long time, why don't you do something stupid to provoke one?" she wryly asked.

"That's what I did anyway."

"True," she allowed. "But I think we needed it. We were kinda bordering on nauseating in the romance and fluff department."

"We were, weren't we?"

"Yeah," she nodded. She placed another spoon of ice cream into her mouth. After swallowing it, she spoke. "Not to bring it all back up again, but, if I would have said I really did want kids, what would you have done?"

He thought for a moment, "If it was that important to you, we'd have kids."

"You mean that, don't you?"

He nodded.

Kate leaned over and kissed him. "And that's why I love you."

"Hm…that's the only reason?" he kissed her again.

"No, there are more reasons…"

Reaching back, he set the ice cream on the night stand and pulled her into his arms. "If you change your mind," he began.

"Have you changed your mind?"

"No," he honestly replied.

"Well then," she smartly returned. "Why don't we get a dog instead?"

"A dog?"

"Yeah, it's like having a kid, only I don't have to carry it for nine months," she laughed.

"And infants don't exactly deter thieves."

"No, not at all," she agreed, laughing.

"So, we're good?"

"We're good."


	2. Chapter 2

NYPD Major Case Squad Room

February 16, 2006

6:45 pm

"Hey, Barek," Logan began, standing up; "It's past quitting time."

"I know," she replied, with a sigh. "I just wish we could figure this one out."

"Well, sittin' here looking at the same evidence over and over isn't gonna do it," he decided. "I think we should just start fresh in the morning."

"You're right," she said, then, "Just don't get used to hearing me say those words."

He opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by the ringing of his cell phone. He pulled it from his pocket, flipped it open and placed it to his ear. "Logan."

"Hey," Kate's voice began. "You still at work?"

"I was just leaving, what about you?"

"Me, too…wanna meet me at Mosco Street Pizza? My treat?"

"That works," he agreed, "I'll see you there in twenty?"

"Twenty works. Bye."

"Bye," he returned, flipping his phone closed. He looked over at Barek, who still sat at her desk, staring intently at crime scene photos. "Hey, we're going over to Mosco Street Pizza, wanna come?"

"I'm gonna pass," she decided, standing. "I'm going to go home, take a long hot shower and go to bed."

"Sure you don't wanna grab a slice first?" he offered.

"As tempting as that is," she smiled, "I'm just gonna go home and crash. See you in the morning."

"You got it," he nodded, pulling on his leather coat.

Logan walked out of the building and down to the street. The night wasn't too cold, so he decided to walk instead of taking the bus. As he turned towards Pearl Street, a petite brunette approached him.

"Are you Detective Mike Logan?" she asked.

He sized her up quickly. She stood about 5'3 and wore a pair of form fitting jeans and a short black trench coat. She was attractive, with large brown eyes and an expression that bordered on defiant.

"Who wants to know?"

"My name is Tess," she began, her defiant expression morphing into nervousness.

"Okay," he prompted, deciding if he wasn't a married man, he'd be very interested in what Tess had to say. Shit, he thought, he was a married man and he was still interested.

"Look, is there somewhere we can go to talk?" she asked.

"Well, Tess," he began, "I really don't make it a habit to go off with strange women."

"I'm screwing this all up," she sighed. "Look, I don't even know if you're the right Mike Logan. I'm just guessing…"

"What would I be the right Mike Logan for?"

"Was your mother's name Maggie?"

"Yeah?" he replied, instantly on guard.

"Your father's name is Joseph, you grew up in Hell's Kitchen," she went on.

"How the hell do you know all of this?"

Tess took a deep breath, "My full name is Theresa Francine Logan," she explained. "My father's name is Joe."

"There's gotta be more than one Joe Logan in Manhattan," he dismissed.

Tess reached into her purse and pulled out an old black and white photograph. "This was a picture of my Pop and his first wife, Maggie. Is this your mother?"

Logan took the picture from her. He'd seen it before, in his mother's room. It was one of her prized possessions, taken sometime after his first birthday, at his Aunt Bridget's house. He could remember clearly how the picture sat framed on her dresser.

"And I'm guessing that the baby is you," Tess smiled.

"Yeah," he returned, feeling a tightening in his gut. He raised his eyes from the picture to Tess. "So, you're trying to tell me that Joe Logan had another family?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "He and my mom never married and I'm their only child." She pulled another picture out of her purse. "This is me with my parents."

Logan took the picture and studied it. This picture wasn't quite as old as the other picture and it was in color. Based on the clothing, he guessed it was taken in the early 70's. An older Joe Logan stood with a petite woman with long red hair, who held a dark haired little girl. "The little girl is you?"

She nodded, taking the picture back from him. "That's my mom, Frannie."

"So…you've come to find me, why?"

"Could we go somewhere warmer? There's some stuff I need to talk to you about…" she tried, shivering in the cold.

"I'm meeting my wife at Mosco Street Pizza," he said. "If you want to walk with me…"

"We can talk on the way," she agreed.

They started to walk down Pearl Street. His mind racing, Logan walked with long strides. Tess struggled to keep up.

"Mike, could you slow down?" she asked, causing him to slow his pace. "Thank you."

"So, assuming you are my sister, why the hell are you looking for me now?"

"It's Pop," she began, as they turned onto St James Place. "He's not doing well…"

"So, the old bastard's still alive," he said, his tone bitter. "No shit."

"He's got cirrhosis and end stage renal failure," she explained. "He's living at the Veterans' Home."

"Excuse me for not caring."

"Yeah, I figured you'd feel that way."

"Then why the hell are you here? No offense, Tess, but if you think telling me the old man is dying is going to cause some touching reunion..."

"No, it's got nothing to do with him," she honestly said. "It's me."

He looked at her, "What? Are you gonna tell me you need a kidney or bone marrow or something?"

"No," she rolled her eyes, "Wanna drop the chip off of your shoulder for a second? I'm not the one who abandoned you."

Logan opened his mouth to speak, and then stopped. He watched her for a moment, as they walked. She was doing her damndest to be hard, but he could see the cracks in that façade. Without even knowing her, he could tell she was tired and drained.

"That's better," she smiled, looking at him. "I grew up knowing that Pop was married to another woman and he never divorced her. I heard hushed stories of his wife and their son. I grew up wondering what my half brother would be like. Whenever I'd ask him, Pop would get all pissed off and tell me to mind my own fucking business."

"Sounds like him," Logan sniffed.

"Trust me, he's no prince. But, my mom loved him. She passed a couple of years ago and left me taking care of Pop."

"So, why'd you come looking for me now?"

"He's dying, Mike," she quietly said. "My mother's family disowned us because of him. So, you're the only family I got. I figured I might as well try to find you."

Walking on, Logan digested this information.

"What about your family? Is your mother still alive?"

"No," he simply said.

"Did she remarry?"

"Yeah," he sarcastically replied, "She married Yukon Jack."

Tess looked at him curiously. "Yukon Jack? As in the whiskey?"

"Yeah."

"Shit," she sighed. "I'm sorry."

He shrugged. "Wasn't your fault."

"Look, Mike," she said, as they turned on to Worth Street. "I'm not asking you for anything more than just getting to know you and maybe, keeping in touch with you. That's all." He didn't respond right away, so Tess kept talking. "You said you're married?"

"Yeah, I am."

"Do you have any kids?"

"No."

Tess sighed, this was like pulling teeth. "If you want me to go away, please tell me. I didn't mean to intrude in your life."

Logan looked at her for a moment. The initial tough façade was completely gone now and disappointment was written on her features.

"This was a mistake," she decided. "I'll go…"

"No," he said, wondering why he wasn't just letting her walk away.

"No?" she looked at him.

"No," he repeated. "Come have a slice, we'll talk."

Apartment of Mike and Kate Logan

February 16, 2006

11:30 pm

Kate slipped into bed and pulled the covers up to her waist. She watched as Logan stripped down to his boxers.

Feeling her eyes on him, he spoke, "Take a picture, it lasts longer."

"I've got pictures," she wryly said. "Some of them would make a hooker blush."

"Ah, Vegas," he nodded, getting into bed next to her and turning off the bedside light. "Digital cameras are a very good thing."

"I don't know," she mused. "I would've loved to see the guy at the drug store run those through the one hour developing machine."

"Shit, with my luck, they'd end up on some website and my ass would get a one way ticket back to Staten Island."

"Oh, come on, there wasn't anything truly perverse in those shots," she laughed.

"Perverse is subjective," he offered, pulling her into his arms and kissing her. He held her for a while, not saying a word, not allowing himself to think about this evening's revelations.

"Talk to me, Mikey," she softly said. "My mind's racing, I'm sure yours is totally blown."

"I don't know," he quietly said.

She pulled back and looked at him. "You don't know what?"

"What the hell to think. Tess's story jives. Shit, she had her birth certificate, pictures. If she ain't my sister, she's gone way the hell out of her way to fake it."

"She looks like you," she decided. "You have the same eyes and she's got the dark hair and the widow's peak. But it's more than that, you have the same mannerisms."

"Yeah, but she's this tiny little thing."

"Her mother was tiny, Mike," Kate rationalized, then, with a smile. "And a red head."

"Yeah, I noticed that." He grew quiet again. Comforted in knowing that she couldn't see his face in the darkened room, he spoke. "I had no frigging idea that Joe Logan was still living in New York."

"I know you didn't," she agreed.

"It doesn't matter," he shrugged.

"Mikey," she softly said. "It does matter."

"No, it doesn't. Old bastard knew where I was, he didn't give a fuck. Case Closed."

"And what about Tess?"

"It ain't her fault. But, I'm really not in the market for a sister."

"Why not?"

"I've been an only child for fifty years. What the hell do I need a little sister for?"

"Because you have no family," she simply said.

"I've got your family."

'I know, Mikey, and they all feel like you're one of them, but you and Tess are in the same boat. Would it kill you to get to know her?"

"What do you think of her?"

"I like her," she decided, "She's tough, funny, smart…cute…hell, I'm jealous of her!"

"Don't move too fast with the jealousy, she's got Joe Logan for a father."

"She's also got an absolutely gorgeous daughter," Kate continued, remembering the picture of the bright eyed, dark haired five year old that Tess so proudly showed them. "Come on, Mikey, you have a niece."

Mike had to admit the kid was cute, "Okay, so I've got a niece."

"Do me a favor? Call Tess. Ask her to come over to dinner on Saturday night. I'll make something good and we can all sit around and bullshit. If you two want privacy, I can take Brianna into the kitchen and make cookies or something."

"You really want this, don't you?"

"And on some level, so do you," she simply said.

"Fine, I'll call her."

Apartment of Mike and Kate Logan

February 18, 2006

7:45 pm

"Can I pour you another glass of wine?" Kate asked, watching as Tess spooned left over mashed potatoes into a plastic container.

"No, I'm good," Tess smiled, "Dinner was amazing. Thank you."

"Thank you for helping me clean up."

"Please, I can't just sit and watch someone else working," Tess dismissed, peering over the breakfast bar into the living room. "Mike and Brianna really hit it off."

"I never thought I'd see him coloring," Kate laughed.

"You didn't have to get her the coloring books and Barbies…"

"Please," Kate dismissed, "I remember when my nephews were her age, I used to have a whole toy box full of stuff for them. They had fun and stayed out of our hair."

Tess took a sip of wine and watched as Kate put away leftovers. She liked the redhead instantly. From what she'd seen of her newly found brother and his wife, they were a good match.

"So, Mike was saying that you guys just got married?"

Kate nodded, "On Christmas Eve, in Vegas."

"You guys seem like you've been together forever."

"We have," she laughed, "Sort of. We used to date, years ago. We broke up back in 1998 and just got back together last year."

"Wow, what brought you together again after 7 years?"

"Mike's old partner died," Kate fondly explained. "He was really close to him and Mike took it pretty hard. I ended up pouring him to bed the night after the viewing and the rest is history."

"It had to be Fate," Tess decided. "You two must've been meant to be together."

"I guess," she blushed, then, "What about you? You seeing anybody?"

"I don't know when I'd have time," Tess dryly laughed. "I'm working two jobs, taking care of Brianna and my dad. Brianna's dad and I broke up about a year after she was born. He's the last serious relationship I had."

"You work two jobs?"

Tess nodded. "I'm a secretary at Brianna's elementary school and I bartend a couple nights a week. When I had to sign Joe into the Veteran's Home, he signed his apartment over to me. I love it and won't let it go."

"I give you credit," Kate seriously said, "To work two jobs and take care of a kid. I don't know if I could do it."

"You could," she knowingly smiled. "I think you and I have a lot in common."

"Yeah, I think we do," Kate agreed with a wink.

"But, the big question is, do I have anything in common with my brother," Tess mused.

"You do. You look alike, you have the same mannerisms," Kate replied.

"He seemed kinda interested in getting to know me. I guess I have you to thank for that?"

"I prompted him, but trust me, Mike's kinda stubborn."

"I never would have guessed," Tess laughed.

"Mommy!!" Brianna squealed, running into the kitchen. "Lookit what me and Uncle Mike colored."

"Let me see, Bree."

Brianna handed her a page torn out of her coloring book. "See, it's a please officer and his car. Uncle Mike is a please officer. Right, Uncle Mike?"

"Right," Logan began, from the doorway to the kitchen.

"But he doesn't wear a uni…uni…" she looked up at Logan for help.

"Uniform," he stage whispered.

"Uniform," Brianna grinned.

"No," Kate smiled, "He wears plaid ties."

"Plaid ties?" Tess raised a brow.

"What's wrong with plaid ties?" Logan asked.

"Not a thing, Mikey," Kate rolled her eyes, then, "Hey, Brianna, want to help me set up the table for desert?"

"I like desert," Brianna agreed.

"Good, I got ice cream and cookies," Kate winked. She took a stack of small plates from the cabinet and held them out to Brianna, "Could you please carry these over to the table for me?"

"Yes, Aunt Kate," she said, taking the plates with a solemn reverence. "I'm really careful…"

"Thank you," Kate said, picking up a cookie tin and a stack of bowls. "Come on, I'll show you where to put everything."

They walked out of the kitchen, leaving Logan and Tess alone.

"She's a great kid," Logan offered, not sure what else to say.

"Thanks," Tess replied. There was so much she wanted to say, so much she wanted to ask, but she couldn't manage a word.

"I know it's none of my business, but what about her father?" he asked.

"We broke up a year after Brianna was born. Last I heard he was playing bass in some hotel band in Los Angeles."

"He doesn't see her?"

She shook her head, "Fatherhood was too "intense" for him."

Logan nodded, "So you're raising her alone?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"You're doing a good job," he said, mentally cursing himself for sounding like an idiot.

Tess laughed, causing him to look up at her sharply. "Look at us," she said, with a smile. "We're tap dancing around like a couple of prize fighters before the bell."

"Kinda stupid, isn't it?"

"Kinda."

"I…guess I'm still trying to get used to the idea of having a sister."

"You never knew I existed. It's gotta be a shock."

"Yeah, it is. Look, Tess, this whole family thing is kinda foreign to me. Let's just say my mother spent more time in the bottle than with her family."

"I understand. It had to be tough for you."

He shrugged. "I'm sure growing up with Joe Logan was no prize."

"Ah, as long as you knew when to avoid him, it wasn't bad," she dismissed. "He never raised a hand to me or mom."

Logan gave a hard laugh, "Guess he got it out of his system on us."

"Mom said he told her he was really mean to Maggie. He had a temper and broke a lot of shit around the house, but he never touched me or Mom."

"Yeah, well, you were lucky. Both of my parents believed in tough love."

"You seem to have turned out okay, despite it all."

Logan laughed again, "Oh, I'm a psychiatrist's wet dream, trust me. I've just learned how to hide it."

Tess laughed, "You can't be that bad, Kate doesn't seem like the kind of woman who'd hook up with a psycho."

"She keeps me in line," he acknowledged.

"And it's not an easy job," Kate said, walking back into the kitchen with Brianna in tow. "We've come in for ice cream."

"I like ice cream!" Brianna cheered, then looked up at Logan, "Do you?"

"I like chocolate ice cream," Logan replied with a smile.

"Lucky for you, I got chocolate and vanilla," Kate said taking a container of ice cream from the refrigerator. She looked over at Tess, "I wanted to make something else for desert, but I just ran out of time."

"Kate's got this Martha Stewart thing going," Logan explained, drawing a faux black look from Kate.

"Ice cream and cookies is fine," Tess dismissed. "You hit on Brianna's two favorite foods."

"Don't forget pizza, Mommy," Brianna added.

"How could I forget?"

"Wow, Brianna, sounds like you and Uncle Mike have the same favorite foods," Kate said, winking at Tess. "Come on, let's go dish up some ice cream. You guys want me to bring yours in here?"

"Nah, we'll come out there," Logan dismissed, "We can talk later, right, Tess?"

She smiled at him, "Yeah, we can."

11:30 pm

As Kate turned off the kitchen light, she heard Logan walk back into the apartment.

"Katie?" he called from the foyer.

"Hey there," she smiled, walking in as he took off his jacket and hung it on the coat tree.

"Did you get them home and settled okay?"

"Yeah, sorry it took so long. Brianna had to show me her room and then she wanted me to read her a story," he smiled at the memory.

"She's got you wrapped around her little finger."

"Yeah, well," he blushed, not even denying it.

Kate pecked his cheek. "I think it's cute."

"Cute?" He pulled her into his arms, "I'll show you cute."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," she playfully rolled her eyes. "Anyway, tonight went well."

"It did," he agreed, as they walked into the bedroom. "She wants to have us over for dinner next Sunday afternoon. Are we free?"

"I think so, I'll call her and ask what I can bring," she said, as she unbuttoned her jeans and slipped them down her hips.

"She's got a nice little apartment," he said, watching her step out of her jeans. "She lives over some trendy kid's boutique in NoLita."

"Nice," Kate agreed, pulling on the hockey jersey she wore as a night gown. "I'm glad you two are getting along so well."

"She's not a bad kid," he admitted, unbuttoning his shirt. "And I don't think she's got any ulterior motives for wanting to get to know me."

"I don't think so, either. Face it, when Joe goes, she's all alone."

"Yeah, I know the feeling," he sniffed, then, "But I guess I was lucky enough to marry into a big family, huh?"

"Well, I'm sure the O'Hara clan would welcome Tess with open arms, too."

"Just watch the arms on your brothers…"

"Oooh, listen to the protective big brother," Kate teased.

"Are you kidding? Denis and Johnny would eat her alive!"

"My money's on Tess. She'd have them both whipped before the end of the night. She's one tough cookie. She's gotta be to be a single mom."

"You know she works two jobs?"

"Yeah, I was trying to talk her into applying at the courthouse. She'd make a hell of a lot more, get better benefits and could quit the bartending gig."

"Oh, shit, I almost forgot…" he walked out of the bedroom.

Kate slipped into bed. As she pulled the covers over her legs, he walked back into the room.

"Tess gave me these," he handed two pictures to Kate. "They're Brianna's Christmas pictures. There's one for each of us."

Kate looked at the pictures. Brianna wore a red velvet dress, her long dark hair hung in soft curls, and she wore a bright, happy smile. She really was a cute kid. Before Kate could force it down, an irrational pang of jealousy shot through her.

"You know," Logan said, slipping into bed next to her, "A kid like that makes me think it might not be all that bad to have one."

Kate looked at him sideways, "All this after one afternoon?"

"Well, she's a Logan…and she's a normal, smart, happy kid, despite of it."


	3. Chapter 3

Apartment of Mike and Kate Logan

March 10, 2006

7:30 pm

Logan walked into the kitchen to find Kate and Brianna busy making a batch of cookies. He walked over to the counter where Brianna was stirring something in a large bowl and picked up the bag of chocolate chips. As he ripped it open, Brianna gasped.

"That's for the cookies, Uncle Mike!" she admonished, watching as he popped a handful into his mouth.

"It's cool, Bree," Kate said, pulling another bag of chips from the cupboard. "I always buy two bags, just in case." Kate reached into the bag that Logan held and stole a handful. She popped a couple into Brianna's mouth, "Don't tell your mom."

"I won't," Bree said through her chocolate mouthful.

"Maybe I should just ditch this bachelor party and hang out with you guys," Logan mused.

"You have to go, Mikey. It's Lennie's nephew, he'd be upset if you weren't there."

"He's gonna be trashed by 10 o'clock and forget everything anyway," Logan dismissed.

"You're going," Kate decided, cracking an egg into the bowl that Brianna was working on. "Stir it good, Bree, you've got to get the whole egg mixed in."

"Got it," Bree nodded, her expression serious.

As Kate cracked another egg, she spoke, "Mike, Bree and I will be fine. Just go, have fun. Come home early if you want."

"We're still going to the American Girl place tomorrow, Uncle Mike?"

"I wouldn't miss it," he winked, tugging on her pony tail.

"So, are you going tonight?"

"Yeah," he rolled his eyes, "I know they're gonna end up at the Catwalk."

"So go, enjoy the scenery," she winked, pecking his cheek.

Catwalk Club

10:30 pm

Logan walked back from the bathroom and sat on the empty stool next to Elliot Stabler. "Is it me, or could you think of 10 places you'd rather be?"

"I spend to freaking much time in strip clubs looking at dead bodies…takes all the fun out of it," Stabler agreed.

"I know, besides, if I've gotta pay a woman to take her clothes off, it ain't worth it." Logan laughed.

"Yeah, I know," Stabler agreed, studying the blond dancer. "Wanna tell me why they're all blonds?"

"Blonds are okay, but I'm kinda partial to red heads."

"Speaking of redheads, does Kate know where you are?"

"Shit, yeah, she talked me into coming out. She's babysitting my niece tonight. What about your wife? Does she know where you are?"

"We're separated," he simply said, directing his eyes back up to the blond as she finished her dance.

"Shit, I'm sorry, Stabler, I had no idea."

"I'm not making a big deal of it," he shrugged, as the music changed from a dance tune to Nine Inch Nails.

"And now," the DJ said, "Making her last trip down the catwalk tonight, our very own Raven!"

"Raven?" Logan raised a brow, "With a name like that, she can't be blond, can she?"

"Let's hope not," Stabler agreed.

He watched as a petite woman with long dark hair walked out onto the stage. She was wearing a leather bustier and panties and a pair of thigh high leather boots.

"Great, a dog collar," Stabler laughed. "Wondered when we'd hit the bondage act. At least she's not blond. Hell, she's kinda stacked for a little girl."

Logan raised his eyes to the stage and studied the girl. As his eyes reached her face, his blood froze in his veins.

Stabler picked up on the change in his expression. "Man, you look like you just saw a ghost? You okay?"

"That's my fuckin' sister," Logan snapped, rising from his seat.

Stabler clamed a hand on his arm and yanked him back onto the stool. "Sit."

"I'm not gonna let her…"

"She's an adult, she can do what she wants," he calmly said. "You didn't know?"

"Fuck no; you think I'd be here if I did?" He gazed back up on the stage for a moment, then pulled his eyes away. "You think she'd be here if I knew?"

"I know you wanna go rip her off the stage, but all that's gonna do is cause a scene. Wait til she's done and then quietly go talk to her."

"But…" he looked around the bar, growing angrier as he watched the club patrons ogle Tess.

"No buts," Stabler simply said. "Now, if I gotta sit on you to keep you here, I will. Got it?"

Logan took a deep breath and released it. "You're right. I'll sit. But I ain't watching."

"I ain't either," Stabler said. "My eyes will be on you."

"I'm good, Stabler, I'll wait."

"Listen, if that were my sister I'd be feeling the same way."

They sat, for what seemed like an eternity, until the song was over and Tess left the stage. Once the next dancer stepped up, Stabler released his hold on Logan.

"Come on," Stabler said, "Let's go."

"I can handle this on my own," Logan returned, as they walked through the club.

"I'm gonna come along, just in case you can't."

They walked back to the dressing room area and were stopped by a very beefy bouncer. "You can't go in there guys."

Without a second thought, both men produced their badges.

"These say we can," Logan said, "Now, are you gonna step aside and let us in or do we have to cuff you?"

The bouncer stepped aside and allowed Logan and Stabler to walk into the dressing room. Logan scanned the large room, but didn't immediately spot Tess.

"Where the fuck is she?" he hissed.

"Who are you looking for, Gorgeous?" asked a top heavy bottle blond.

"Raven," Stabler said.

"She's in the john," the blond purred, "You need a couch dance?"

"No, thanks," Stabler smiled, "We just need to talk to her."

Logan spotted Tess as she walked out of the bathroom. She'd changed from her bondage get up to a pair of jeans and a sweater. "Tess!" he called.

She looked over at him and her eyes grew wide. "Mike? What the hell are you doing here?"

"What the hell are you doing?" he asked, looking down at her.

"I was working," she returned with a defiant glare.

"You said you bartended at night," he began, "This ain't bartending."

"Can we not do this?"

"Too late, we're doing it," he continued.

"Can we at least do this somewhere else?" she sighed, pulling on her jacket.

"Fine," he returned, then looked at Stabler, "We're leaving."

"You gonna be okay?"

Logan nodded, "Thanks, Man, I owe you one."

"Don't worry about it," Stabler dismissed, "I'll make your excuses to the rest of the group. Go sort this shit out."

"Thanks," he nodded, watching as Stabler walked out of the dressing room. He turned back to Tess, "Let's go."

Without speaking, she led him out of the bar and into the alley. The night's drizzle had turned into a steady rain. Logan didn't care, however.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

"Bringing home enough money to keep my kid in her private kindergarten," Tess snapped.

"You can't do it any other way?"

"Look, I work here two nights a week and make enough to pay for school and keep us in the apartment," she explained. "Can we please get out of the rain? There's a coffee shop across the street."

JJ's Coffee Cup

11:30 pm

"You gotta believe me, Mike, I'm only dancing. Only two nights a week, no private parties, no extra work. I don't even do couch dances," she sighed, massaging her temples.

"Couldn't you find something better to do for money?"

"Can you show me something better that will make me this much money?"

"If you got a better day job…"

"And how am I supposed to find the time to interview?" she asked, "I can't afford to take time off from the school and I can't afford put Bree in afterschool care to interview after hours. My next door neighbor watches her the two nights I dance and in return, I clean her house."

"Me and Kate can pick her up if you get an interview," he dismissed. "And if you get a better paying job, the rest will fall into place."

"I don't want to put you guys out," she dismissed.

"Look, I'm not an expert on this family shit, but from what I understand, this is the kinda stuff where family comes into play. Besides," he smiled, "Kate loves having Bree around."

Tess looked up from her coffee cup, "Really?"

He nodded, "They were making cookies when I left."

Tess nodded, and then looked up at him. He was surprised to find her eyes filled with tears. "When Kate offered to watch Bree over night, I was so excited. I figured I could knock off here, go home, take a long bath, watch movies and sleep in. I love Bree and all, but between working two jobs, caring for her and visiting Pop, I never get time for myself." She sniffed, trying not to cry.

"Tess," he said, his tone softening, "Look, we can help you with this shit, but you gotta quit the Catwalk. You don't want Bree to know about this, do you? What about the other parents at her school?"

"They don't know," she dismissed, wiping her eyes with a napkin. "Those guys are all so snooty and stuck up…they wouldn't set foot in a ratty place like that. They like to throw their money and status around, so they go to Scores, it's the trendy place to be."

"Tess," he returned, "Trust me, one of those model fathers is going to eventually like to get their hands dirty. One of these days, you'll have the one guy who likes it on the rough side and stumbles into the Catwalk. Then what are you gonna do?"

"Deal with it," she shrugged.

"You think the St Catherine's Parent Association will allow a stripper to work in the school office?"

"What the fuck do you want me to do, Mike?" she tiredly said. "I can't fucking afford to live this way and I won't uproot my daughter."

"You went to college, you can get a better job," he insisted, "You just need to look."

"You make it all sound so easy."

"Look, you looked me up cuz you wanted to have a family. Now that you've got one, let us help you and Bree."

"But…" she sighed, feeling a tear slide down her cheek.

"No buts, come on," he tossed a ten dollar bill on the table and stood. "Come home with me. Spend the night at our place, we'll all sit around and come up with a game plan."

"Oh, God, Kate," she moaned. "I can't face her."

"You can't face Kate?"

"God, no! She's the freaking right hand to the DA…"

"Hold up," Logan held up his hand. "Kate's a cop's daughter. She paid her way through college and law school by bartending. Yeah, she makes good money, learned how to put on the show, but that's all it is, a show she needs to put on for her job. Trust me, she will not pass judgment."

She looked at him, still unsure.

"Look," Logan said, "She's so excited about having you and Bree around. You know what she said to me? She's got three brothers and two nephews. You didn't just get a brother; you're getting a sister, too." He held out his hand, "Now, are you coming, or do I have to pick you up and throw you over my shoulder."

Tess wiped her tears with a napkin and laughed, "Why don't I doubt you'd do that?"

Apartment of Mike and Kate Logan

March 11, 2006

4:15 pm

"Did you have fun today, Bree?" Logan asked, watching as she had a tea party with her very expensive new doll.

"Yup, did you?"

"Oh, yeah," he agreed. "It was great."

"Come have tea with us, Uncle Mike," she said, setting up a tea cup for him.

"I'm good," he dismissed.

"But Molly wants you to," she said, looking up at him and batting her eyelashes.

Logan took a deep breath and gave in. "Okay, I'm in. What do I do?"

"You drink tea!" she laughed.

"I've never been to a tea party before," he returned, sitting at the dining room table.

"Oh," she began, seriously pouring pretend tea from Kate's silver tea pot into a china tea cup. "Here, you just drink this and have some cookies and we talk."

"Ok," he said, watching as she placed a chocolate chip cookie on his plate. "What do we talk about?"

"Dresses and make up," she informed him.

"Ah…I'm not really up on my make up talk."

"It's okay," she dismissed, "I'll teach you."

"Kate, I had too much fun today," Tess said, as they got out of the elevator.

"Me too," she agreed. "It was nice to be able to get out and do girly things! My best friend, Emily, moved to Colorado last year and I don't have a shopping and spa buddy any more. 

"Well, you give me a chance to get a new job and sock away some money and I'm with you," Tess seriously said. "Next time is my treat."

"No, this was my gift to you," Kate dismissed. "A welcome to the family kind of thing."

"But Kate, you got me a suit and shoes, and the spa and…"

"Stop!" she laughed. "I still have money left from what I won in Vegas. Mike and I said we were going to use his for a bigger place and burn mine. Well, I'm still burning!"

"Well, thank you for burning it on me."

"Hey, I burned a bit for me too," she winked.

"I know, those shoes are amazing!"

Kate opened the door with her key. After she and Tess walked into the foyer, she shut and locked the door behind her. Hearing voices from the dining room, they stopped and listened.

"They're having a tea party," Tess whispered.

"Oh, this I gotta see!" Kate returned, as they quietly walked through the foyer, stopping just out of site from the dining room.

They watched as Bree and Logan, unaware of their presence, continued with their tea party.

"Thank you, Molly," Logan said; thankful that no one else could see him, "I like your outfit, too."

"Would you like more tea, Uncle Mike?" Bree asked, playing the good hostess.

"No, thank you, I think I'm about tea'ed out," he returned, "But I will have another cookie."

"Certainly," she said, setting another cookie on his plate.

Kate watched as the tea party went on, seeing yet another side of Mike Logan. She turned and looked at Tess, who wore a large grin that was half fond and half devilish. She knew they'd be hanging this over Logan's head for days to come, but she was still touched by they way he was playing along with his niece.

Bree looked over at the doorway and spotted Kate and Tess. "Mommy! Aunt Kate!" she squealed, hopping up from the table and running to them.

Logan turned his head, "How long have you been there?"

"Long enough to know that Molly likes your outfit," Kate gently teased.

Logan rolled his eyes, "I'm not going to live this one down, am I?"

"Nope," she dropped her packages on the floor and slipped her arms around him, "But, I do think the cuteness factor has earned you a few bonus points to be used later."

"Look Mommy!" Bree said, squirming out of her mother's arms and running to the table. "Uncle Mike got me Molly!"

"Wow," Tess said, looking at the doll. "You've been wanting to get Molly for a while." She looked at Logan, "Mike, you spent way too much…"

"Ah, its okay," he dismissed, "I'm an Uncle; I'm supposed to spoil her, right?" He looked at the pile of bags on the floor. "I thought you were going for massages and stuff?"

"We had to stop and get Tess a good interview suit," Kate explained, "And shoes, and a purse…"

"And what did you have to buy for Kate?"

Kate grinned, "Wait til you see these shoes, Mikey…"

"Shoes," he shook his head, "I should've guessed."

"I'm ignoring that," she returned with a smart ass smile. "What are we gonna do for dinner?"

"Or are you guys full from the tea and cookies?" Tess teased.

"Here we go," Logan laughed. "Another country heard from."

"I want pizza!" Bree cheered.

"Yeah, pizza's good," Logan agreed.

"Okay, okay, we'll do pizza. I'll call and order."

10:30 pm

"So," Kate said, slipping on a pair of black pumps, "What do you think of the shoes?"

Logan looked at them. They were black suede with a silver spike heel. He could've sworn she had another pair just like it. "Cute."

"Cute?" she shook her head, "They're beyond cute."

"They look good with the hockey jersey," he wryly commented.

"I like it," she laughed, taking off the shoes and putting them into the closet. "So, how bad was today?"

"It wasn't bad," he admitted. "Bree had a good time."

"Yeah," she put her arms around him. "I don't doubt she did." She kissed him. "You're a good uncle."

"Are you going to start on the tea party again?"

"I was," she began, kissing him again, "But not in the way you think…"

"Oh, really? Is this where those points to be used later come in?"

"Yeah," she replied, unbuttoning his shirt.

"Hm…" he kissed her, "Wonder what I could've gotten if you actually saw us in the American Doll store this afternoon."

"Maybe we could get the store's surveillance videos."


	4. Chapter 4

NYPD Major Case Squad Room

May 8, 2006

12:45 am

Carolyn Barek sat at her desk, watching as Logan sank deeper into depression and self-loathing. There was no way either of them would know that Tarkman was really a cop. Logan followed protocol; he did everything by the book. Tarkman didn't drop his gun when ordered to, he didn't freeze. She was sure that IAD would decide that he was in the clear.

Contrary to what most TV shows and movies portrayed, most cops don't fire their guns very often. They're taught to only use it in extreme situations and after nearly 20 years on the job, Logan was well versed in what an extreme situation was. Shooting anyone could make you feel like shit. Shooting a fellow cop? Well, that could be a career ender.

"Mike, go home," she said quietly. "We can't do anything until morning."

"I…" he opened his mouth to protest, then grew quiet. "I guess I should."

"I'll get a black and white to take you home," she offered, but he shook her off.

"I'm gonna walk," he stood. "It'll clear my head." He noticed her concerned expression. "Hey, it's okay. Deakins has my piece, so I can't shoot myself."

"Logan," Barek sighed.

"I'm sorry," he held up his hands. "Look, I'm gonna walk home. I'll see you in the morning."

Apartment of Mike and Kate Logan

May 8, 2006

1:45 am

Hearing the sound of breaking glass from the kitchen, Kate woke with a start. Her eyes focused on the digital read out of her alarm clock. It was too early for Logan to be home, she decided, growing concerned.

She listened and heard the distinct sounds of someone moving about the house. She guessed they were still in the kitchen. Quietly, she slipped out of bed and made her way to the kitchen. As she walked through the house, she searched for something to pick up as a weapon, just in case. She settled on one of the heavy pewter candle holders that belonged to her Grandma O'Hara and carried it into the kitchen.

As she turned the corner, she spotted Logan, picking up pieces of broken glass.

"Mike?" she asked, curiously, setting the candle holder on the counter.

"I dropped a fucking glass," he spat, not looking up.

"Here, let me help you," she offered, stepping closer.

"I got it," he hissed.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he dismissed, using a dust pan and brush to get the rest of the glass.

"Mike, you're home early and you're pissed, something's going on."

He dumped the glass into the trashcan, and then stood, studying the dustpan. "I killed a cop."

"What?! What happened?"

"Four guys ran out of a restaurant, guy # 4 pulled a gun," he recited, his voice flat. "I identified myself, told him to stop, told him to drop the gun. He didn't, he pointed it at us, and I shot him."

"He was a cop?"

"I didn't know it when I shot him."

"Mikey," she said, placing a hand on his arm.

He shrugged her off and walked out of the kitchen.

She followed him through the house to find him in the bedroom, taking off his clothes.

"Talk to me," she said.

"I got nothin' to say."

"Mike…"

"I said I got nothin' to fuckin' say, okay?" he snapped, walking into the bathroom and slamming the door shut.

Kate stood, staring at the closed door. She stopped herself from walking over and yanking open the bathroom door, knowing that it would only create an argument that wouldn't solve anything. Instead, she quietly slipped back into bed and turned off the light. Instead of rolling over, she lay facing the window, her back to his side of the bed.

A few moments later, she heard the bathroom door open. Resisting the urge to speak to him, she waited, while he got into bed next to her. Rolling over, he slipped his arm around her and pulled her against him, so that her back was to his chest.

She turned herself to face him, draping her arm over him. "Mikey…"

"I'm sorry," he quietly said.

"Talk to me…."

"I fuckin' killed a cop, Katie," he said, willing himself not to break down.

"You were doing your job."

"I still killed him," he insisted, voice quiet, but full of emotion.

"Did you give your statement to IAD?" she asked.

"Yeah, once the Union Rep got there."

"Did they say anything?"

He shrugged.

"I'll call their legal department in the morning."

"Let it go, Katie," he said, "It'll take its course on its own."

"You didn't have a lawyer present…"

"I said, let it go," he returned, his voice cold and angry. "I don't need my wife the DA to fight my battles."

"That wasn't what I was doing," she snapped back, then willed herself to remain calm. He was upset, she rationalized. No matter how much his comment pissed her off, she wouldn't bate him into an argument.

"Fuck," he spat, sitting up, "I shoulda just stayed at the station instead of coming home and jumping your shit." He sat, resting his elbows on his knees and cradling his head in his hands.

She sat up and placed her hand on his back, "I have no idea what you're going through right now. I just want to help you."

"You wanna help me? Turn the fucking clock back so I can try not to kill anyone this time."

Kate took a deep breath and lay back onto the bed. He was past the point of allowing her to comfort him. She recognized this stage, she'd seen it before. She'd learned to just let him go on beating himself up. Eventually, he would turn to her for comfort.

He lay back down. Without turning her head, she looked at him, finding him staring straight up at the ceiling. She could literally feel the emotions radiating from him, but she forced herself to lay still. A moment or two later, she felt his hand wrap around hers. It was a tentative gesture, as if he was feeling her out. When she didn't pull her hand away, he squeezed her hand tightly. She squeezed back, and then felt him roll over towards her.

"Katie…" he said.

The emotion in that once simple word tore at her heart. She turned to face him, pulling him into her arms just as he crumbled. She soothed him as he sobbed against her chest, allowing him to release the emotion he'd held in all night. She would let him go, until he exhausted himself enough to fall asleep. Neither of them would discuss this in the morning.

Office of Doctor Elizabeth Olivet

May 11, 2006

7:30 pm

"I don't know why I needed a second visit," Logan began, as he looked at the framed pictures of Liz' children that decorated her desk.

"You've been through a lot, Mike," she explained. "Dealing with Chesley Watkins had to mess with your mind. We just want to make sure you're okay."

"I'm okay," he shrugged.

"We've known each other, what? Sixteen years now? You're not okay."

"What do you want me to tell you? She stirred up some deeply repressed feelings about my mother?" he said in a mocking tone.

"Did she?"

"Of course she did. And she knew just what she was doing, too. Spotted me dead on…" he shook his head. "Played me like a fuckin' concert pianist."

"And I'm sure you've beaten yourself up over it."

He looked at her, eyes narrowing.

"You've been beating yourself up since the shooting," she went on. "You need to let it go."

"Let it go? Oh, okay, I get it, I kill a guy…a cop for Christ sake, and I'm supposed to let it go?"

"Was this your first shooting?"

"No."

"Was this the first time you made a mistake?"

"It was more than a mistake, Liz."

"Was it the first time you killed someone?"

"No."

"Did you forget that this was part of your job?"

"No, I didn't forget that."

"Okay, so there must be some other reason why you're letting this eat at you," she calmly went on. "Could it be because this is the first time something like this has happened since you've been back in Manhattan?"

He glared at her, but didn't speak.

"That maybe, you've been trying so hard to prove you're not the screw up cop that got shipped out to Staten Island…"

"Don't go there," he flatly said.

"I said it before, you've come a long way, Mike. You've changed a lot in the past ten years. You've matured."

"Don't tell me that I've mellowed."

"You have," she smiled. "The Mike Logan I talked to ten years ago would never have gotten married and would sure as hell not be showing off a picture of his niece and bragging about his newly found sister."

"Yeah, well…"

"And maybe, that's got something to do with why this has hit you so hard, too."

He shrugged.

"Have you been to see your father yet?"

He looked at her as if she'd taken leave of her senses. "Why the hell would I want to do that?"

"For closure."

"Closure? Doc, it's hard to put closure to something that hasn't been open for years."

"You aren't the least bit curious what he would have to say?"

"Who said he'd want to say anything?"

"Is that what you're afraid of?"

"You don't want to know what I'm afraid of."

"I do, Mike."

"I'm afraid I'll choke the living shit outta the old bastard, okay? Happy now?"

"That's a natural response."

"Thanks for your approval," he sniffed.

Feeling him close off, Liz tried another approach. "What about Kate?"

"What about her?"

"How's she handling all of this?"

"I've taken it all out on her and treated her like shit," he simply said. "If she had any common sense left, she'd leave my sorry ass."

"Mike, you know her better than that," she softly said.

"I've pushed her pretty far on this one," he admitted. "It's gonna take a lot to make it up to her."

"Do you feel like you're ready to do that?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Of course you do. Everything you do involves a choice."

"Save the textbook shrink crap, Doc, we've done this dance too many times for me to fall for it."

"Fine, what are you going to do about it?"

"I have no clue," he quietly said, his tone sincere.

"May I make a suggestion?"

"Yeah?"

"Talk to her. Be honest and open; tell her what you've been holding back the past couple of days. She'll understand."

He mulled her suggestion over for a few moments. "I hope you're right."

New York County Court House

100 Centre Street

May 11, 2006

9:30 pm

"Come on, Kate," Shambala Green began, "Come get a drink with us."

"I'd love to, but I'm gonna pass," she demurred. "I've got to be in court tomorrow morning. Hell, I should've just packed a bag and slept here."

"Like you live that far away," Shambala laughed.

"Yeah, I know," she laughed with her. "Go, have one for me. I'm gonna walk home and go to bed."

"Good night, Kate."

"Good night," Kate called, walking out of the door and down the stairs to Centre Street. As she descended the stairs, she breathed in the warm spring air. Normally, it gave a jump start to her system, tonight, it just made her melancholy.

"Katie," Logan's voice began, pulling her from her thoughts.

"Mike? What are you doing here?"

"I had another appointment with Liz Olivet," he said, "I figured I'd try to catch you on your way out and walk you home."

"You didn't have to," she shrugged, as they walked down Centre Street. "It's not a long walk."

"I wanted to talk to you," he continued.

"Okay," she shrugged, doing her best to remain aloof. "So, talk."

Logan could see that she wasn't going to give an inch. He needed to come up with something to say that would break through the wall she'd built up, but nothing came. Liz Olivet's words echoed in his brain, _"Just tell her the truth."_ He stopped, walking and reached out and grabbed her arm, causing her to stop.

"Mike," she began, but he cut her off.

"I've been an asshole to you and I'm sorry."

She didn't speak, so he went on.

"I've taken it all out on you and I shut you out and I shouldn't have done it," he went on, not caring how it sounded. It was the truth and he had to get it out. "I can't go back and change it, but I wish you'd let me make it up to you some how."

"You don't have to make anything up to me."

"The hell I don't," he dismissed. "You've been trying to support me and help me and I've been a dick."

She allowed a smile to form, "Wow, Mike Logan admitting he's been a dick and an asshole. I should get this on tape."

Thinking he'd found a chink in her armor, he continued. "Chesley Watkins messed with my head, and Christ knows it's messed up enough to begin with."

"She saw that, and took advantage of it."

"Hell yeah," he agreed. "I've been kicking myself over this whole thing; I guess I thought I had to handle it on my own. I was wrong."

"I guess what pisses me off is that you're still doing this. After all this time, after all we've been through, you still shut yourself off from me when something major happens," she replied, looking down the street. "I know you were hurting and that you were kicking your own ass. But you wouldn't let me in. You pushed me away."

"I was wrong."

"You were," she agreed. "And, damnit, Mike, it hurt. We're married, remember the whole "two become one" and "for better for worse" stuff? Did any of that sink in to you?"

"I thought it did."

"Yeah, well, I wonder," she sniffed, turning and walking towards Worth Street.

"Kate," he said, following her, "Hold on."

"We're going to the same place, Mike, it's not like I'm running away," she sighed, slowing her pace. "See, that's one of the downfalls of marriage. You have to face the other person every day."

"Katie…" he took her arm again, stopping her. "Look at me."

She glared at him defiantly. "What? You think that because you come to me and say you're sorry that I'm gonna forget this happened? Jesus, Mike. I know you were going through hell. It hurt me to watch you, but what hurt more was that you wouldn't let me in."

"What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know," she said, shrugging off his arm and walking down the street.

This time, he let her walk, following a few paces behind, his mind working feverishly on something clever to say to her when they finally got home.


	5. Chapter 5

Lower Manhattan Veterans Home

May 13, 2006

11 am

Logan walked into the lobby of the Manhattan Veterans Home and looked around. It looked like a hotel lobby, but the hospital smell that hit him when he walked into the door reminded him that it wasn't.

He approached the desk and waited until the desk clerk noticed him. "Can I help you?" she asked, with a pleasant smile.

"Yeah, I'm looking for a patient, his name is Joe Logan?" he began, wondering why he was there.

"Are you related to Mr. Logan?" she asked, noticing a resemblance.

"I'm his…son," Logan admitted.

She nodded, "He's in room 17, would you like me to walk you down?"

"You can just tell me where it is."

"Sure thing, Mr. Logan," she smiled, pointing at the double doors to her right. "Just go through these doors, take your first left. His room is the third room on the left."

"Thank you," he nodded, walking to the double doors. He wanted to turn around and walk back out the door, but forced himself to walk though the doors. He followed the desk clerk's directions and found himself staring at the door to room 17. He raised his hand to knock, but stopped. Deciding this wasn't one of his better ideas in life, he turned to walk away.

"Can I help you?" began a female voice from the door way behind him.

Logan turned to find an older black woman who was dressed in a pair of pink scrubs. "I think I have the wrong room," Logan lied.

"You must be here to see Joe," she smiled. "Are you his son?"

"How'd you know?"

"You look like him," she winked. "Go on in, he's been hoping you'd come by…"

"Thanks," he said, watching as she held the door open for him. He wanted to turn and run the other way, but instead, he walked into the room. The door shut behind him with a final click.

"Holy shit," Joe Logan began, his voice weak and hoarse. "It's you."

Logan turned to face him and was taken aback by what he found. Joe lay in the bed, looking old, frail, and sick. Nothing like Logan had imagined him all these years. What's worse is that there were too damn many similarities between Joe and the face Logan saw in the mirror each morning.

"Tess said you were dying," Logan said, as if challenging him.

"I am," Joe replied. "They tell me there's nothing more they can do. The kidneys don't want to work anymore."

Logan nodded.

"Had to come see for yourself?" Joe dryly asked.

"Tess asked me to come. She said you asked for me."

"Yeah, thought I oughtta see you again before…well, you know."

"Why? You didn't care for forty years, now that you're dyin' you wanna see me?"

"Funny thing about dying, you start thinking about shit…" Joe began, trailing off.

"Like the fact that you walked away from your wife and kid?"

"Like that, yeah," Joe agreed. "I'm sure you wanna know why."

Logan shrugged. "It won't change anything that happened."

"It won't. But it may keep you from repeating my mistakes."

"Trust me; I won't be making the same mistakes you made."

"You married?"

"Yeah."

"Have any kids?"

"No."

"No?" he raised a brow, surprised. "Why get married, then?"

"I don't need to explain my reasons for marrying my wife."

"Why no kids?"

"Not that it's any of your business, but between you and Maggie, I really don't think I'd make good father material," Logan replied, his tone cold and hard.

"And the wife?"

"She understands."

Joe laughed, bitterly. "Or so you think. She's a woman, she wants to have kids. They all do."

"Thanks for the fatherly advice."

"I followed your career in the paper. You made the paper a lot there for a while. You definitely got the Logan temper."

"Gee, what a legacy."

"You got a right to hate me," Joe decided. "You're probably sittin' there wishing you could shoot me or somethin', I know. But, I need to tell you something and you gotta listen."

"I'm here. Say it."

"Tess says you and your wife have taken her under your wing. She doesn't have anybody else in this world but her daughter and now you."

"Don't worry about her. I won't abandon her," he said, emphasizing the word abandon.

Joe nodded, closing his eyes for a moment. "Good. You can hate me all you want. I earned it. She's a good girl. She needs somebody to look out for her."

"So you wanted to see me to tell me this?"

Joe shook his head, "No, there's something else." He reached into the drawer of the nightstand and produced a large envelope. "I got some money put away. When I go, it's Tess's."

"Why tell me?"

"There's a life insurance policy, you're the beneficiary."

"I don't want anything from you," Logan replied.

"Then give the money to your sister. I thought you could use it. You're a cop, right? You can't be making that much."

"I'm good," he dismissed.

Joe raised a brow, "Tess tells me your wife is with the DA's office."

"Tess talks too much."

"Don't be mad at her. She's humoring an old man, that's all. I told ya, she's a good girl."

"Yeah, I know. No thanks to you."

"You're damn right. I've been a drunken, angry bastard for most of my life. I won't make any apologies for it. I have my reasons, but you don't wanna know them. Whether you believe it or not, I worried that you might have turned out just like me. Your sister tells me you didn't."

"If you were so worried, why didn't you call?"

"When I left Maggie, we agreed to stay out of each other's lives. To stay out of hers, I had to stay out of yours."

"And when she died?"

"By then, I figured you didn't want anything to do with me."

"You were right. Of course, I really didn't want anything to do with her, either."

"Maggie was hard to live with. She liked to drink."

"No shit."

"Maybe I should've gone back for you. You were all she had, I didn't want to take you from her."

"Bullshit, she had her bottle, that's all she needed."

"Look, I don't wanna drag up all that shit. You said it yourself, it won't change anything. I fucked up your life and I gotta deal with it. I just wanted to make sure you take care of your sister."

"Not that I care what you think, but you don't have to worry about her."

"Good," he closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, he held out the envelope. "Take this. Make sure Tess gets her money. You do what you want with yours."

Logan took the envelope. "I'll make sure it gets to Tess and Brianna."

"Good, now, I need to rest. You go back to your life. Keep tryin' to not repeat my mistakes."

"Yeah, I'll do that."

"Goodbye, Mike," he said.

"Good bye," Logan replied, walking out of the room.


	6. Chapter 6

Apartment of Mike and Kate Logan

May 19, 2006

11:30 pm

Joe Logan was dead. He went in his sleep, somewhere in the middle of the night on Monday. Tess got the call first. After she digested the news, she called Logan at work. The two of them worked together to plan the funeral. It was a small affair; after all, they were the only family Joe had.

After the funeral, they brought Tess and Bree back to the apartment. Shortly after they got home, Logan opened a brand new bottle of Jamison's and he and Tess had been drinking steadily since then.

Somewhere around 7:30, Kate decided that Tess and Bree were spending the night. They put Bree to bed around 9:30 and Tess changed out of her funeral clothes to a pair of Kate's yoga pants and t-shirt. She sat, curled comfortably in one of the wing chairs in the living room.

Logan realized he still hadn't changed out of his suit pants and dress shirt, he'd thought about it once or twice, but the act of getting up and walking to the bedroom just never occurred to his alcohol slowed mind. Instead, he remained sitting on the sofa, shoeless feet propped up on the coffee table, arm around Kate, who leaned against him, fighting to stay awake.

He could see that she was exhausted. She didn't even have a drink with them. Hell, she said the thought of drinking actually turned her stomach. He'd been through a lot, but had put her through more and now that he had finally mellowed out about everything, he saw the effect it had had on her.

"Hey," Logan said, kissing her softly. "Why don't you go to bed?"

"I think I might," she agreed, sitting up. "You guys gonna be okay if I go to bed?"

"We'll be fine," Tess dismissed, refilling their glasses. "You mind if we stay up?"

Kate shook her head, "Hell no, knock yourselves out. Sleep in tomorrow, okay? I'll get Bree up and dressed and keep her out of your hair."

"You're a saint, Kate," Tess grinned. "I owe you one."

"You can deal with this one when he wakes up with a hangover," Kate quipped, bending and giving Logan a kiss. "Don't forget to come to bed at some point, okay?"

"Count on it," he winked, kissing her again.

"Good night, Guys," Kate yawned, walking back to the bedroom.

May 20, 2006

3:00 am

Logan got into bed and pulled up the covers. He rolled over and slipped an arm around Kate, who, without waking curled up against him. He'd had more than enough to drink tonight and on any normal night he'd be somewhere close to passing out. Tonight wasn't normal, however.

He buried his father this morning. And as much as he wanted to believe he didn't care, it did bother him. It wasn't that he'd miss the old bastard it was that he never imagined that he'd be the one to do it. After all, up until March, he thought Joe was already dead.

He'd given Tess Joe's bank book and when she saw that it contained a little over $350,000 she nearly passed out. Who'd have thought that Joe Logan was the one bookie in Manhattan who knew how to hold on to his money? Between her new job at the court house and Joe's bank account, Tess would be comfortable for while.

And then there was the life insurance policy. Joe had paid off the whole life policy with a value of $500,000, back in 1984 and listed Logan as the only beneficiary. With interest, Great American Life Insurance was in the process of sending him a check for nearly $600,000.

Had he still been single, he wouldn't have kept the money. He'd have pissed it away before the year was out. Instead, he was going to take it and use it to buy a place of their own, something Kate had been trying to talk him into for years.

He kissed Kate's forehead softly and held her tighter. After he shot Tarkman, he'd taken it all out on her, alternating between jumping her shit and shutting her out. Not one to sit back and quietly take his shit, she reamed him royally and then turned the cold shoulder back onto him.

She started to defrost after he visited Joe and it had been a gradual return to normal. Although, he had to admit that she had been really bitchy the past week. He chalked it up to work and dealing with Joe's death. It must've all caught up with her tonight, he rationalized.

"Hey," she said, with a sleepy smile, "It's about time you came to bed."

"Sorry," he said, kissing her. "Tess and I were just bullshitting."

"It's okay," she smiled.

"I'm sorry I woke you up," he said, kissing her again.

"Yeah, I bet you are," she returned, as he slipped his hands beneath the large t shirt she wore.

"I'll let you sleep," he said, as his fingers slowly roamed her body.

"When we're done," she returned, wrapping her arms around him and kissing him deeply.

May 20, 2006

11:30 am

Logan got out of the shower and toweled off quickly. His head was throbbing and he wanted nothing more than a cup of black coffee to set him right. He pulled on a pair of jeans and a t shirt, and then opened the medicine cabinet for some Tylenol.

As he took out the bottle, it slipped out of his hands and fell into the trash can. "Of course," he groused, bending over and reaching into the trash can. As he picked up the Tylenol, he noticed a bright blue box beneath it. As his eyes scanned it, one word jumped up and hit him - _Pregnancy_.

"**What the hell?" he said, aloud, as he lifted the box. It was the box to a home pregnancy test. Finding the box empty, he reached back into the trash can. After clearing away a couple of tissues and some cotton balls, he found what he was looking for and pulled out the white plastic test stick. **

**His eyes went instantly to the red plus sign. "No shit…"**

"**What are you doing?" Kate asked from the doorway.**

"**I dropped the Tylenol into the trashcan and found this." He held up the stick.**

"**Yeah, I was going to talk to you about that when you got up," she simply said. "**I'm two weeks late. I figured it probably had something to do with all the shit we've been going through. I've been late in the past and usually if I take the test and it comes out negative, I get my period the next day."

"You've been late in the past?"

"Not since we've been back together."

He looked at the test stick, "And this is positive, right?"

She nodded. "Look, Mike, I don't know how it happened. I didn't plan this."

"I know you didn't."

"I call the doctor's this morning and they're fitting me in on Monday afternoon, so he can confirm it. Sometimes the tests give false positives. And, it the test result is correct, it's still early, we have time to decide what we're going to do about this," she flatly said.

"Decide what we're going to do about this? What decision is there?"

"You don't want kids, I'm almost 41…"

He took her by both arms, cutting off her stream of reasons. "There is no decision, Katie."

"But…"

He shook his head, "No. If it's true, then we're going to go through with this."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm not sure about anything right now," he honestly said, pulling her into his arms. "But, shit, if this is true…"

"Yeah, scary, huh? You and me, having a kid?"

"He'll be one smart ass kid," Logan laughed, wondering why this idea didn't scare him more than it did.

"Who said it would be a he?"

"Aw, come on, we have to even the odds a little here. I'm surrounded by females." He kissed her softly.

"Don't say anything to Tess okay? I don't want anyone to know until its official."

"I won't say a word."

**NYPD Major Case Squad**

**May 22, 2006**

**3:45 pm**

"**I'll call an old buddy of mine out in the Bronx and see what I can find out," Logan advised, sitting down at his desk. As he reached for his phone, it rang. He lifted it on the second ring. "Logan."**

"**Hey," Kate's voice began.**

'**Hey," he replied, anxiousness gnawing at him. "Where are you?"**

"**I just got home."**

"**How'd it go?"**

"**It wasn't a false positive," she simply said. "Think you can go in late tomorrow?"**

"**I guess, why?"**

"**I have to go for an ultrasound at 7, just to confirm dates and size and all. I thought you might want to come with me."**

"**Yeah, I can do that," he said.**

"**Logan, Barek, my office!" Deakins called.**

"**Shit, Katie…" Logan began.**

"**I heard it; go on, I'll see you when you get home."**

**Beth Israel Outpatient Radiology Department**

**May 23, 2006**

**7:45am**

**Kate lay on the examination table, watching as Derek, the ultrasound tech approached her with a bottle of gel.**

"**This is gonna be a little cold, Mrs. Logan," he warned, squirting some onto her lower abdomen.**

"**Whoa," Kate laughed as the cold gel hit her skin, "What'd you do, take it out of the freezer?"**

"**What's that stuff for?" Logan asked, watching every move Derek made with a careful eye. He'd seen this done before, but never really took notice of it. This time, he was taking notice of everything.**

"**The gel helps the machine get a better reading," Derek explained, "Now, I'm going to run this wand across your stomach and hopefully, we'll get a good view of this baby. Are you ready?"**

"**Yeah," Kate replied, "Let's let this kid make its big screen debut."**

"**Okay, here goes," Derek slowly tracked the wand across her stomach, while all three of them watched the monitor screen intently. "There we go…" he announced, freezing the picture.**

"**That's it?" Logan asked, leaning forward to study it better. **

"**That's it," Derek nodded, moving the wand and producing another view. "Here, you can see better in this shot. Here's the head." He traced his finger on the screen. "And this little blinking light right here is the heart beat."**

"**No shit," Logan stepped closer, inspecting the screen. It looked like a peanut with a blinking white Tic Tac for a heart. **

"**Mikey," Kate laughed, smacking his arm with her left hand, "You're blocking my view."**

"**Oh, sorry," he stepped aside, but didn't move his eyes from the screen.**

"**You okay there?" she asked, watching as he stared intently at the screen.**

"**Yeah, I'm just trying to see something more than a peanut," he admitted.**

"**It's going to take a few weeks for that, Mr. Logan," Derek explained. "From the size and development, I'd say Mrs. Logan's about 7 weeks along. Right now, the baby's about the size of a kidney bean. The arms and legs are just starting to form."**

**Logan raised a brow, "That's an image I didn't want…"**

"**Dr. Orbach has scheduled you for ultrasounds every 8 weeks," he said, looking at Kate's chart. "Next time you come in, you'll see a real baby."**

"**Trust me, Derek," Kate replied, watching as he wiped the gel from her stomach, "It's real now." **

**Derek turned off the machine, "Go on and get dressed. I'm going to go print out the screen shots I took. By the time you're dressed, you'll have copies of your first baby pictures." He smiled at them. "I'll see you two in 8 weeks." With that, Derek walked out of the exam room, leaving them alone.**

"**You okay over there?" Kate asked, standing up and walking to where her clothes hung from a hook on the wall.**

"**Yeah," he replied, looking as if he were in a daze. He watched as Kate changed from the blue hospital gown to her blue pinstriped pant suit. **

"**Mikey?" she softly said, stepping to him and placing her hand on his arm. "Are you sure you're okay?"**

"**I'm…" he searched for a word.**

"**In shock? Amazed? Scared shitless?" **

"**How'd you know?" he laughed.**

"**Cuz that's how I feel right now," she admitted, as they embraced each other. "Well, toss in some nausea and you've got what I feel."**

"**I'm not feeling the nausea. I'm just kinda numb."**

"**You're sure you wanna do this?"**

"**Hey, Mr. Peanut in there is my kid," he smiled. "I'm kinda curious to see how he looks when he's finished."**

"**Mr. Peanut?" she laughed, as they walked out of the room.**

"**Stick a top hat on him and there you go."**

**Office of Executive ADA Kate O'Hara**

**May 22, 2006**

**2:45 pm**

**Kate sat reviewing her third budget report of the day. This was the part of the Exec position she hated the most. It was boring and tedious and a total pain in the ass. Today it was even worse, because her mind was everywhere but on the damn budget report. **

**She sighed, stealing a glance at the ultrasound picture of "Mr. Peanut". **

"**Hey, Kate," Jack McCoy's voice called from the doorway to her office.**

"**Hey, Jack, what's up?" she asked, looking up at him.**

"**I skipped lunch again today, so I'm walking down to Sammy's cart," he began, walking into the office.**

"**A good healthy lunch," she nodded.**

"**Exactly," he confirmed. "Want to take a break from the budget reports and come with me? My treat."**

**She smiled broadly, "I really should just sit here and keep working."**

"**Hey, don't make me pull the boss card on you and make it a direct order," he grinned.**

"**A direct order?" Kate laughed, standing up. "Like that would work."**

**They walked downstairs and out onto the street, stopping at the hotdog cart on the corner.**

"**Hey, Sammy," Jack began, "Give me two with relish and mustard and a Coke."**

"**You got it, Mr. McCoy," Sammy nodded, then looked at Kate, "Red Bull, for you, Mrs. Logan?"**

**Kate shook her head, "You know, I think I'll take one with ketchup and cheese and a 7-Up."**

**Jack looked at her, "You're eating a hotdog?"**

"**I'm starving," she dismissed, as Sammy got their order together.**

**Once they had their food and Jack paid for it, they walked over to a bench and sat. McCoy watched with an amused expression as Kate devoured her hotdog.**

"**What?" she asked, between mouthfuls.**

"**Doesn't Logan feed you at home?" he teased.**

"**I skipped lunch, remember, I came in late this morning?" she said, sipping her soda. After swallowing, she looked at him for a moment. **

"**What?" he asked, mimicking her earlier response.**

"**I need to tell you something," she began, torn between excitement and nervousness. "Friend to friend."**

"**Okay…"**

"**I'm pregnant."**

**McCoy took a moment to process the information, then, noticed the smile Kate wore. For the first time in weeks, she looked happy, truly happy. **

"**You're the first person I've told."**

"**Logan doesn't know?"**

"**After him," she laughed, relaxing a bit. "This morning was my first ultrasound."**

"**Shit," he shook his head, surprised that he was smiling with her. "When is the blessed event?"**

"**January."**

**He nodded. "So, what does Logan think about this?"**

"**He's in shock." **

"**I'm taking it that this is a surprise."**

"**Yeah, it is," she agreed, then, "I don't want it getting out to anybody yet, Jack."**

"**Why? Thinking of changing your mind?"**

"**Hell no, not after this morning. We saw the heart beating. I couldn't do it after I saw the heart beating."**

"**So our little Katie's going to be a mom," he fondly said. "I'm actually quite honored that I'm the first person to find out about it."**

"**You should be."**

"**Your father's going to be over the moon when he finds out."**

"**We're going down for my brother's Memorial Day Bash," she mused, "We're bringing Mike's sister and her daughter down with us, so they can meet the O'Hara clan."**

"**Wait til you drop this bomb on them," McCoy laughed, picturing the loud, rowdy family he'd met years ago. **

"**Yeah, and what sucks is, I can't drink with them to celebrate," she groused.**

"**I'm sure Logan will take up your slack."**

"**Lovely," she rolled her eyes.**

"**Well, once little Logan has entered the world, Uncle Jack will show up at the hospital with a bottle of Irish whiskey for Mom, sound good?"**

**She smiled, "Sounds like a plan."**

**Greenwich Village**

**May 22, 2006**

**3:15 pm**

**Logan sat behind the wheel of the Taurus, waiting for Barek to talk to one of her snitches. The guy got quiet whenever Logan showed up in the past, so this time, he waited in the car. **

**After taking a quick look around, Logan reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out the ultrasound picture from this morning. He studied it, for at least the tenth time, trying to make out something more than a blob with a bright white light. **

"**That was a waste of time," Barek said, getting into the car.**

"**What?" Logan asked, looking up from the picture.**

"**You okay, Mike?"**

"**Fine," he dismissed, slipping the picture back into his jacket.**

"**It's none of my business," she began, "But you've been…preoccupied since you came in. Is everything okay?"**

"**I might as well tell you," he said, pulling the picture back out. "I had to take Kate to Beth Israel for an ultrasound this morning."**

"**Is everything okay?" **

"**Yeah," he held out the picture. **

**Barek looked down at the black and white photo in her hands and recognizing what it was immediately. She looked up at him with a smile. "Get out. Really?"**

**He nodded.**

"**Mike, that's wonderful," she went on. "When is she due?"**

"**January," he replied, catching his reflection in the rear view mirror. He was surprised to find his reflection wearing a smile. Not a forced one, but a true smile. "She did a home test on Saturday; the doctor confirmed it on Monday."**

"**Well, this explains why you've been so preoccupied," she knowingly said. "Let me guess, it's finally sinking in."**

"**Yeah," he laughed, "I keep looking at that damn picture. Alls I see is a peanut."**

**Carolyn laughed, "Which is probably about what the baby looks like right now anyway."**

"**So, it ain't just me?"**

**She shook her head, "No, it's a peanut."**

**Logan looked at the picture again and smiled with relief. "Yeah, Mr. Peanut."**


	7. Chapter 7

NYPD Major Case Squad Room

August 30, 2006

1:45 pm

"Come on, Captain," Bobby Goren said, looking through the glass into the interrogation room. "Just let me talk to him for another few minutes."

"You need to wait for the DA's office," Captain Danny Ross returned.

"But…"

"No buts, Goren," Ross insisted.

"The DA's office is here," Kate Logan began, walking up to the window.

"Wow, how'd we rank the big guns?" Alex Eames said with a wry smile.

"Simple, this guy's killed four people in the past week, we want him," Kate returned. "Have you talked to him?"

"I'm going in now," Goren returned, walking into the interrogation room.

They watched at the window, while Goren verbally sparred with the suspect, finally drawing him into a corner and a full confession.

"Book him," Kate smiled, "We'll go for murder 2."

"You got it," Eames returned, opening the door and walking into the interrogation room.

A couple of moments later, Goren walked out of the room.

"Nice technique," Kate said.

"It works," he returned, looking her over. He hadn't seen her in a while and was surprised to see that she'd started showing. "How are you feeling?"

"Pretty good," she said, "Of course, I've had to buy all new clothes."

"And you're complaining?" Eames teasingly laughed.

"Yeah, but I had to buy maternity clothes. Come on, Alex, I'm sure you haven't forgotten what it was like."

"True, there is an over abundance of shirts with ducks or storks out there."

"Or my favorite, the ones with the big arrow pointing down that say "baby"," Kate laughed.

"How far along are you now?" Goren began. "Four or five months?"

"Twenty weeks."

"Halfway there," he nodded.

"Have you guys signed up for childbirth classes?" Eames asked.

"We start on Saturday," Kate shook her head; "This should be interesting."

"Just pay attention to the breathing part, the rest falls into place," Eames winked, then, "Come on, let's go book this guy. See you later, Kate."

"Yeah, take care, Kate," Goren said, walking off after Eames.

Logan walked back to his desk and sat down. As he picked up his coffee cup, he looked around the office, spotting Kate standing near the interrogation room talking to Captain Ross.

He watched as they talked, guessing by their serious expressions that they were discussing the suspect Goren and Eames had brought in that afternoon. She was wearing one of the few suits that still fit her and he could see the soft rounding of her stomach. She'd gained a little more than 10 pounds and he swore all of it was in her stomach.

Over the course of the past 3 months, Mr. Peanut had actually started to resemble a human child on the ultrasound pictures. They'd heard the heart beat somewhere around 12 weeks and although she'd been feeling movement for a couple of weeks, he only felt it for the first time last night.

At Dr. Orbach's recommendation, they'd signed up for child birth classes. Having seen them portrayed on television numerous times, they'd both been a bit hesitant, but the doctor said it would help a lot during delivery, so they registered for the Saturday morning classes.

"Is that Kate?" Barek asked as she sat behind her desk.

"Yeah, welcome back," he said, pulling his eyes from his wife. "Nice of you to join us. How'd it go downtown?"

"You're not going to believe this, but the Fed wants me back," she began.

"You're shitting me," he replied, sensing the loss of yet another partner floating on the horizon.

"I'm serious," she went on, "They made me a very good offer."

"And?"

"I'm thinking about it. They want an answer by tomorrow."

"You gonna take it?"

"I don't know, Mike. An offer like this doesn't come around every day."

"You gotta do what's right for you," he replied, wanting to sound encouraging.

"I know," she sighed, "Is the Captain in his office? I need to talk to him."

Logan looked over to find Kate and the Captain parting ways. "He's heading in now."

"I'll be back," she said, standing and walking across the office.

As Logan watched her walk away, Kate approached his desk. "Hey there, Detective Logan," she began.

He stood up and gave her a broad smile. "Hey, yourself. So, Goren and Eames scored a visit from the Exec, huh?"

"Yeah, they did."

"Wanna sit down?" he offered, noting the tiredness in her eyes.

"Nah, I've gotta get back to my office," she dismissed. "You mind if we do take out tonight?"

"Think you'll be able to stay awake during dinner?" he teased.

"I've got to," she sighed, "I've got case files to review."

"Katie," he warned.

"Not here," she dismissed. "You can yell at me when we get home. Now, I need to get back to work. See you tonight."

Resisting the urge to kiss her, he nodded. "See you at home."

He watched her leave, and then turned his attention back to Captain Ross's glass walled office. Barek was still inside. He watched, as she talked to Ross, then stood and shook his hand. _Yeah_, he decided, _she's taking The Fed's offer._

As Barek walked out of Ross' office, he picked up his mug, took another drink, and focused his attention on the folder on his desk.

"Hey, Mike," Barek began, "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Yeah, what's up?" he asked, looking up.

"I'm taking the job with the Fed," she announced.

He nodded, "They must've made one hell of an offer."

"They did," she agreed. "Only problem is, I need to start right away."

He raised a brow, "How soon?"

"I fly down to Washington over the weekend and begin retraining on Monday."

"No shit. Doesn't give us much time for a going away party, huh?"

"Mike…" she began, thinking carefully about what she wanted to say. "Look, this had nothing to do with my time working with you."

"I didn't think it did," he returned. "You gotta do what's right for you."

"Then you're okay with this?" she asked, her expression hopeful.

"I will be," he gave her a smile, "Just keep in touch, okay?"

"Of course I will," she returned the smile, "You better send me baby pictures."

Office of Dr. Elizabeth Olivet

Manhattan, NY

September 1, 2006

4:30pm

"So," Elizabeth began, "How are you, Mike?"

"I'm fine," he returned. "I'm here because Ross asked me to come."

"You're losing another partner, he thought you might need to talk about it," she offered.

Logan shrugged, "She's going back to The Fed. It's no big deal."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yeah, I'm sure."

Elizabeth thought for a moment, then brightly asked, "How's Kate?"

Logan smiled, "Good, she's tired most of the time, but good."

"How far along is she now?"

"Like five months?" he shrugged.

"So, she's showing now?"

"Yeah, she finally gave in and got some maternity clothes," he said.

"I remember that stage, it becomes more real for everyone. You start feeling movement, hearing the heartbeat…"

"Yeah, it stops looking like a peanut and starts looking like a baby," he agreed, then, "An alien baby, but a baby."

Elizabeth laughed. "You've got a point. So, how does impending fatherhood feel?"

Logan shrugged again. "Okay, I guess. She's the one going through everything; I'm just along for the ride."

"You certainly seem to be adjusting to it," she began, then, "No second thoughts?"

Logan laughed. "It's a little late for that now, isn't it?"

"You know what I mean, Mike."

"Yeah, I guess sometimes I wonder what the hell I think I'm doing, but from what I hear, that's normal."

"It is," she nodded. "Knowing your history and the way you felt about children, it certainly wouldn't be unreasonable to have those feelings a little more than normal."

"I don't," he firmly said, "We didn't plan on this, but it happened. Kate was all freaked out in the beginning; she was worried that I didn't want it, that I couldn't handle it…" He shook his head. "She even went as far as offering to get an abortion."

Elizabeth raised a brow. "What was your reaction to her offer?"

"I wouldn't even consider it."

"Why not?"

"I knew she wanted a kid," he simply said.

"And you went along, even though you didn't?"

"It wasn't like that," he dismissed. "Look, I'll admit I had a lousy childhood. I never thought I could do the whole kid thing and never really wanted to. Until Me and Kate got back together again."

"She said she wanted kids?"

He shook his head, "No. She said she was fine with not having any. She kept saying we should get a dog instead. I was gonna take her up on the dog once we bought our own place."

"So she was willing to go along with your decision."

"Yeah, she was," he said, not liking the way that sounded. "She's good with kids. She's so into my niece."

"How's it going with your sister?"

"Good. Tess got a job at the courthouse and the money that Joe Logan left her got her squared away."

"And how does it feel to have a sister?"

"She's a good kid," he shrugged. "We have her and Bree over all the time. She and Kate are thick as thieves."

"And now that you've met your father? Does that help with how you're feeling about fatherhood?"

Logan snorted, "Yeah, he gave me a great guide on what not to do."

"What about Kate's family? How do they feel about the baby?"

"They're thrilled. They took Tess and Bree in like they were family, too."

"So, except for Carolyn leaving, life is good."

"Life is good. And like I said, Barek was a good partner. She's gotta do what she needs to do for herself. Yeah, I'll miss having her around, but I'm not gonna flip out because she's going back to the Fed." He shook his head, "This ain't like before, and she's going on her own free will. She ain't dead, and she ain't dying."

"Good," Elizabeth nodded. "I can tell you're being honest with me."

He laughed, "After all these years, why the hell would I try to lie to you?"

"You'd be surprised what people will do," she smiled.

"I might not want to be here, but I'm not gonna waste our time by bullshitting you. Life is good. Yeah, I'm scared shitless about the baby, but I'm learning how to handle kids. Kate and Tess seem to think I'm doin' pretty good with Bree."

"You're one of the lucky ones, Mike. Sometime people who've had abusive childhoods repeat their parent's mistakes."

"I'm not an alcoholic; I ain't gonna leave, and the idea of beating my kid for sport just isn't high on my list of priorities."

"Good, just know that I'm here. As your child grows, it gets difficult. There are times when you will get so mad at them that you might…"

"Stop," he said, holding up his hand. "I ain't saying I'm gonna be a perfect parent, but trust me…that will not happen."

"I believe you, Mike," Elizabeth sincerely said. "I just want you to know that if you need to talk, you can call me. Any time, day or night."

"I appreciate that," he nodded. "Now, is there anything else we need to talk about or am I free to go?"

"You're free to go. I'll tell Captain Ross that you're dealing with this fine and I have no need to have you come back."

Logan stood up, "Thanks," he began, "For that."

"Hey, I can only report what I believe," she winked. "Give Kate my best."


	8. Chapter 8

21 Club

Manhattan, NY

December 22, 2006

9:30 pm

Logan watched out of the corner of his eye as Kate picked at her filet mignon. She said she hadn't had much of an appetite all day. The fact that she barely ate any of the hot butlered **Hors d' oeuvres, which were her weakness, caused him to grow concerned.**

"You okay?" he quietly asked.

"Yeah, I told you, I don't have any appetite." She placed her hand along side her stomach. "And she's sitting off to one side or something, which is really uncomfortable."

"We can leave if you want," he offered.

She shook her head. "After desert, okay?"

He watched as she rubbed the side of her stomach. "Is she kicking you?"

Kate smiled. "You just called her a she."

"What? No, I didn't," he dismissed.

"You did," she insisted, with a smile. "But, yeah, she's either kicking or punching, not quite sure which. This kid has definitely got your temper."

"Now wait a minute…" he laughed, but was cut off by Jack McCoy's voice, from his position next to Kate.

"Ladies and Gentlemen," Jack began, standing up and holding his glass of whiskey. "As is the tradition at the Christmas Party, I'm supposed to get up and give some sort of long winded toast where I praise people and say some incredibly boring words of wisdom." The group laughed and Jack continued. "I'm not going to do that. I gave up the long winded speeches when I handed the Executive reigns to Kate Logan."

"I don't know about that," Kate laughed, causing the group to laugh with her.

"Anyway," he laughed. "I do want to thank you all for everything you do during the year. Our conviction rate has gone up. Our relationship with NYPD has improved and our public approval rating has gone up. I couldn't ask for anything more." He held up his glass in a toast. "Thank you to all of you. Here's to an even better 2007."

After the toast, Jack sat back down. "So, how bad was that?" he asked, with a twinkle in his eye.

"I managed to stay awake and didn't even want to vomit once," she smiled.

"That's what I was aiming for," he nodded, and then noticed that she'd barely touched her food. "Didn't like your steak?"

"It was great; I'm just not really hungry."

"Little Logan giving you grief?" he knowingly asked.

"Something like that," she nodded, watching as the wait staff cleared the dinner dishes.

"Desert is triple chocolate torte," Jack promised. "If anything will find your appetite, triple chocolate will do it."

"And if not, I'm asking for a doggie bag, cuz I'm sure tomorrow I'll wake up and be craving it."

10:45 pm

Logan picked up their coats from the coat check and waited in the lobby for Kate to come out of the bathroom. She'd gotten very quiet by the end of the night and her coloring had paled.

"Logan," McCoy said, turning over his coat check ticket.

"McCoy," Logan returned. "Nice dinner. You plan it?"

"Nah, Casey Novak did it this year," he dismissed, taking his top coat from the attendant. "If I'd have planned it, it would've been beer and roast beef sandwiches at the Pub."

"I hear ya," Logan nodded.

"Where's Kate?"

"Bathroom."

"She looks exhausted. I hope you're taking her home and putting her to bed."

He nodded, watching as Kate walked out of the bathroom. He studied her, noticing that the baby was sitting much lower than normal. A low grade panic alarm went off in the back of his mind, but he kept his expression neutral.

"Hi guys," Kate began, walking to them. "You're staring at me." She smiled, placing her hands on her stomach, "Guess I'm not the only one who thinks I've dropped, huh?"

"You're in labor?" Jack asked, wondering why he felt a sense of alarm.

"I don't know. I've never done this before, but I sure do feel like shit," she laughed. "And I think that what I though was kicking is a contraction."

"Katie, why are you laughing?" Logan asked, concern etched on his features.

"I think it's funny. Of all the places to go into labor, I pick the 21 Club."

"Do we need to call 9-1-1?" Jack asked, pulling out his cell phone.

"Nah, I don't think so. I left a message for my doctor, I'm waiting for him to call back and tell me where to go." She held up her cell phone.

"Maybe you should sit down," Logan suggested.

"Nah, I'm good," she dismissed, grimacing. "Oh, shit…that one was uncomfortable. Maybe I will sit for a while."

Taking her arm, Logan walked her to a chair and helped her sit. As she sat, her cell phone rang. She flipped it open and placed it to her ear.

"Hello? Hi, Dr. Orbach…yes, they're about ten minutes apart…no…yes, they are more painful…okay…sounds good. See you then." She flipped the phone shut.

"Well?" Jack asked, expectantly. "What did he say?"

"He wants to check me out, so looks like we're heading to Beth Israel," she pleasantly said.

"I'll get a cab," Logan decided, but McCoy held him off.

"Stay with her, I'll get a cab…"

Beth Israel Medical Center

Birthing Suite 5

December 23, 2006

1:45 am

Logan felt completely useless and it was pissing him off. He sat on the painfully hard stool next to Kate's bed, watching as she went through every contraction. Each one appeared to be more painful than the next, but Dr. Orbach kept insisting that she wasn't ready yet.

As the time between contractions grew shorter, Kate seemed to grow more determined, more focused. Logan had to admit that he would have lost his mind by now and demanded morphine. So far, Kate had refused the epidural and taken only a minor pain killer to "take the edge off." Through out it all, she held onto his hand, not letting go for a moment and squeezing the hell out of it when the pain took over. In between the contractions, she would simply lay with her eyes closed, trying to get a moment or two of rest.

"We still haven't come up with a name," Kate said, opening her eyes.

"It doesn't matter," he said, watching as her expression changed to something resembling alarm. He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it softly. "Relax, I mean, whatever you want is fine with me."

"No," she shook her head, "You get a say, too…oh, shit…here we go again."

He watched, as another contraction over took her.

"That's it, Kate," Dr. Orbach began, walking into the room, "Breathe through it…Mike, you're supposed to be reminding her to breathe."

"Sorry, Doc," He sheepishly said, then, to Kate, "Come on, Katie…do the bulldog thing."

Despite the pain, she allowed a smile to form. "Shit, Mikey…" she gasped, "Don't. Make. Me. Laugh."

Dr. Orbach took up position at the foot of the bed. "Kate, can you spread your legs for me?"

"That's how I got into this mess," she said, riding out the wave of pain.

Dr. Orbach laughed. "One minute of glory, 18 years of agony."

"One minute? Wait a minute there," Logan laughed, causing Kate to laugh.

"Well, look at this…" Dr. Orbach began, looking up, "Looks like this little one is ready to go…come on down here, Mike…take a look."

Terror coursed through Logan's veins and he stood rooted in his spot.

"Go on, go take a look," Kate encouraged, releasing his hand. "Tell me what I'm missing."

Logan walked down to the foot of the bed, feeling as if he were walking in slow motion. Mentally, he coached himself that no matter what he saw, he would tell Kate it was the most amazing site in the world. Even if he wanted to puke. Once he reached the foot of the bed, he stopped next to the doctor.

"Take a look, Mike," the doctor smiled, as he donned a surgical gown. "This kid's got a head of dark hair."

Logan looked down, fully prepared to force back the nausea he knew he would feel. To his surprise, he felt only awe. After taking a moment to digest what he was witnessing, he looked up at Kate, "No shit, Katie. You oughta see the hair on this kid."

As another contraction hit, Kate spoke between gritted teeth, "If she ends up with the damn widow's peek, I'm gonna be pissed…"

Logan took a step back and allowed the nurse and Dr. Orbach to break down the bed and pull Kate's legs into the stirrups. Not knowing what else to do, he walked back up to stand next stand next to her, taking her hand.

"Okay, Kate," Dr. Orbach said, "Now, when the next contraction starts, I want you to bear down and push, okay?"

"Finally!" she said, determination setting in.

The next half hour passed in a blur. It seemed to Logan that the last ten minutes were one big long contraction. He was exhausted and ready for this whole ordeal to be over, he couldn't even imagine how Kate felt. Yet she kept on, saying little, making very little noise. Certainly nothing like the births he'd seen on TV and in the videos they'd showed during child birth classes. Those women made all kinds of noise.

"Okay, Kate," Dr. Orbach said, "Now, one push and the baby's head's out…come on…"

"Okay," she nodded, waiting for the contraction to start.

"Mike, take a look," the doctor said, causing Mike to look up at the mirror behind the doctor, just in time to watch the head come out.

Logan knew he should say something, but couldn't come up with a single word. Instead, he watched the mirror, transfixed by what he saw.

"Okay, Kate," the doctor said, "Now, with this push, we're gonna get the shoulders out. This is gonna hurt, but once the shoulders are through, the rest will just slip on out…are you ready?"

"Let's get this over with," she said.

Logan knew he should have been paying more attention to Kate, but his eyes were glued to the mirror behind Dr. Orbach.

"Here we go," the doctor said, "Ready? Push!"

"Shit this hurts…" Kate spat, as she pushed.

Logan watched as the baby's shoulders made their way out. True to the doctor's word, once the shoulders passed, the rest of the baby slipped right out.

"It's a girl!" the doctor announced.

"No shit," Logan laughed, looking at Kate. "You were right all along."

"Told you," she tiredly smiled.

He leaned over and kissed her. "You did good, Katie."

"Yeah? She's gonna be an only child," she decided.

"You want to come down and cut the cord, Mike?"

"Me?" he asked, surprised.

"Sure, come on."

Logan walked down to the foot of the bed and surveyed the situation. As the nurse held the baby, the doctor had placed two clamps on the cord.

"Here," the doctor began, holding out the surgical shears. "Take these and just cut the cord right between the clamps."

"Right between?" he asked, stalling enough to make his hand stop shaking.

"Somewhere in between," the doctor replied with a knowing smile, "It doesn't have to be exact."

"Okay," he numbly said, taking the shears in his hand. Concentrating on keeping his hand steady, he snipped the cord and handed the shears back to the doctor.

"Very nice. A good clean cut," Dr. Orbach decided.

"Of course," Logan laughed, relief flowing through him.

"Mr. Logan," the nurse began, "Would you like to hold her?"

"What?" he asked, watching as the nurse held out the baby.

"Here," she said, placing the baby in his arms, "Just support her head."

"Support her head," he repeated, as the nurse pulled her hands away. He looked down at his newborn daughter, surprised to find her looking back at him. Kate had told him that newborns can't see a damn thing, but he swore she knew who she was looking at.

"Hey, Mikey," Kate began, "Stop hogging the baby."

"Sorry." He carried the baby over to Kate. "You wanna hold her?"

"They're still messing with me," she winced, "You can hold her. I just wanted to see her."

He studied the baby for a while more, grateful to see that she had already started to look like a baby, instead of the way some baby's looked like they were not quite completely formed. Actually, he decided, since the nurse cleaned all the gray stuff off of her, she was actually kind of cute.

"So, what are we going to name her?" Kate asked, stroking the baby's head.

"I'm lousy with that stuff," he said, looking up at Kate. She looked tired, but happy. "You got any ideas?"

"Well, I did have one…Tess and I came up with it Thursday night. I meant to run it past you, but forgot."

"What is it?"

"Well, I figured her first name would be Jameson, since that's probably what caused her creation…"

He rolled his eyes, then deciding she was serious; he mulled it over for a few moments, deciding he actually liked it. "It's got a ring to it," he admitted. "Don't we have to give her a middle name?"

"We don't have to, but I think she deserves one."

"So, what did you and Tess come up with?" he asked, with a smile.

"Well, I came up with the middle name first," she said. "I was thinking it should be Briscoe."

He was surprised by how much the gesture touched him. "Really?"

"Yeah, if it weren't for him, we wouldn't be here. And I didn't like the sound of Jameson Lennie."

"Jameson Briscoe, huh?" he said, looking down at the baby. "What do you think?" he asked her.

"I don't think she's got an opinion yet," Kate laughed. "Wait til she's Bree's age, then she'll have an opinion about everything."

Maternity Waiting Area

Beth Israel Hospital

2:30 am

"We should have heard something by now," Jack McCoy decided, staring at the door to the delivery rooms.

"It could take hours, Mr. McCoy," Tess smiled. "I was in labor for 21 hours with my daughter."

Jack winced. "I don't know how women do it."

"I sometimes wonder myself," she laughed, as the doors opened and a very tired Logan walked in. "Hey Big Brother, am I an aunt yet?"

"Yeah, you are," Logan smiled, surprised to find McCoy still there. "McCoy? You still here?"

"The rest of my plans for the night got blown off, so I figured I'd keep your sister company," Jack dismissed. "How's Kate?"

"Tired, but good. She refused the epidural," he shook his head in amazement, "And she didn't make a sound until the shoulders came through."

"That part hurt the worst," Tess agreed. "So? Was she right? Was it a girl?"

Logan nodded, "Her name is Jameson Briscoe."

McCoy smiled, "That's a good name. I like it."

"Yeah, I do too," Logan said, exchanging a smile with McCoy.

"I think Lennie would be honored," McCoy decided. Then, with a wry smile he said, "Although, with a name like that, this kid's gonna be a pool hustler who knows the words to every Broadway show tune in history."

"I'm missing the joke," Tess said, looking between the two men.

"Come on, let me get a cup of coffee and I'll explain it to you," Logan said, slipping his arm around her shoulder.'


	9. Chapter 9

Apartment of Mike and Kate Logan

May 22, 2007

1:45 am

Shutting the door behind him, Logan was blindsided by guilt. Holly kissed him. And he didn't push her away, no, he actually walked back to take the kiss. That was a major error on his part. Not that agreeing to meet her at Peter J's tomorrow night was any better. What the hell was he thinking?

"Shit," he muttered, walking into the living room. "Shit."

As he walked back to the bedroom, wondering what he would say to Kate, he passed Jamison's bedroom. As if on queue, she began to make the fussing sounds he'd started referring to as the "pre-cry" noises. He stopped in the doorway to her room, debating whether he should just go lie down and let her work into a full cry that would wake Kate. No, he decided, not tonight. He didn't want to face Kate tonight. Taking off his suit coat, he walked into the room.

In the dim light of the night light, he could see that she'd turned over onto her stomach and was trying to get up on her knees. He hadn't seen that trick before.

"Hey there, Jameson," he began, dropping his suit coat on the floor and rolling up his sleeves. "What are you doing up?"

Six month old Jamison turned her head towards the sound of his voice, "Da!" she said, in a near squeal.

"Yeah, it's me," he replied, feeling even more like shit for the events of the hallway. He reached into the crib and picked her up. "Come 'ere, you."

"Da!" she grinned, placing her hands on his face.

"We've gotta work on that vocabulary," he dryly said, walking to the rocking chair and sitting down on it. He studied his daughter for a few moments. She looked more and more like Kate every day. If she hadn't gotten his dark hair and green eyes, he'd have sworn Kate simply cloned herself. Hell, the kid even had her personality, if that was even possible at her age.

Jamison stroked his face, something she liked to do when he needed a shave. While she did, she stared up at him, her wide eyes studying him. He'd been working a hell of a lot lately, catching some killer cases that chewed up a lot of hours, day and night. For the past month or so, he hadn't spent a lot of time at home.

Kate had returned to work in March and Jamison was now spending her days in the Day Care next to the DA's Office on Hogan Place. Most of her care had fallen on Kate, who'd taken it on without a complaint. He knew it was irrational, but it seemed that Kate and Jamison had formed their own little world of routines and he just simply existed around it. Although, he had to admit that he hadn't really tried to make himself a part of it, especially in the past month.

"Da," Jamison said, pulling him from his thoughts.

"You need to get to sleep, Miss Jay," he softly said, kissing the top of her head. "We both do."

Jamison yawned and leaned her head against his shoulder. As he gently stroked her back, something he'd discovered helped her fall back to sleep, she stroked his cheek.

5:15 am

Turning off the alarm, Kate sat up and looked around the bedroom. Finding herself alone in the bed, she decided that Mike must've ended up crashing on one of the cots at work. She hadn't seen much of him in the past month and had to admit that she missed him.

Parenthood was surprisingly amazing and the transition back to work went fairly smoothly. It felt good to be back in her office and it felt even better to be able to go over and visit her daughter at the day care during lunch every now and then. She'd even talked "Uncle Jack" into going over with her once or twice, something that both Jack and Jamison really enjoyed.

Yawning, she padded out in to the hallway to Jamison's room. She was surprised that she didn't hear her chattering away. Normally, she got up when she heard Kate's alarm go off and by the time Kate got to her room, she was wide awake and chattering away to herself.

As she walked into the room, she discovered why Jamison wasn't chattering. She was sound asleep, in her father's arms. He was sound asleep, too, in the rocker/recliner.

Smiling, she walked over to them. "Mike," she quietly said, "Mike, wake up."

"Huh?" he slowly opened his eyes. "What?"

"Here, let me take her," she softly said.

"I got her," he replied, shaking off the sleep and sitting up. "I got home and she was awake."

"I didn't hear her crying," she said, watching as he set her in her crib.

"She wasn't there yet," he dismissed, "Shit, I gotta get a shower."

"Yeah, you kinda smell like smoke," she wrinkled her nose. "Did you go out after work?"

Guilt washed across his features, "Yeah, I stopped at Peter J's…"

She picked up on the guilt and smiled, "You've been working your ass off. You're entitled to a couple of drinks after work."

"Yeah," he shrugged as they walked out of Jameson's room. "I gotta get out of these clothes. You want the first shower or do you have time?"

"I'm not going in today. I've gotta take Jami back to the pediatrician for her six month visit, so I brought some stuff home to work on," she explained, studying him with a curious eye. Something was eating at him, she could tell by his mannerisms. She watched as he stripped off yesterday's clothes. "Is everything okay, Mikey?" she tried.

He looked up at her, his expression surprised at first, then mellowing, "I'm just tired, that's all."

"Any signs of it letting up?" she asked.

He shrugged, "I don't know. Why?"

"I don't know," she replied, standing up and walking to him. "I haven't seen much of you lately." She slipped her arms around him. "It's been forever since we've actually done anything in bed but sleep…"

"Yeah, it has, hasn't it," he replied, slipping his arms around her.

"Can you call in sick?" she asked, with a devilish grin.

"I wish I could…" he replied, kissing her.

"Can you go in late?" she tried, returning the kiss.

"You make it very tempting…"

"Well…you might not be late…" she said, stepping out of his arms and taking his hand, "We could make it quick…"

"It's been a while," he warned, allowing her to lead him to the bed. "It probably will be quick."

She sat down and pulled him down next to her. "Yeah, but I know you…quick's just an appetizer."

He pulled her to him and kissed her, "It will have to be enough for now…"

6:30 am

Logan stood in the shower, allowing the hot water to assault his body. He was tired mentally and physically. Kate's suggestion to call in sick was hard to turn down, but he did have to get back in to the office.

As he soaped himself up, he thought back to last night and guilt again overtook him. He loved Kate and did want to spend the rest of his life with her. It had been a bad month and they had lost touch with each other. Instead of going home last night to be with her, he sat at the bar and talked to Holly. And kissed her.

"Shit," he said, smacking his hand against the tiled wall. "You dumb fuck!"

After washing off the soap, he quickly washed his hair and made up his mind. He would go meet Holly tonight at Peter J's, but only long enough to tell her that he made a mistake last night. He would tell her about how much he loved Kate and tell her about Jameson. Hell, he'd even show her one of the six different pictures of Jameson he carried in his wallet. Then, he would go home and tell Kate everything and take whatever punishment she dished out.

After turning off the water, he stepped out of the shower and toweled off. As he wrapped the towel around his waist, Kate walked into the bathroom. She was naked and her hair was still all messy from a combination of sleep and sex. He knew she'd say she looked horrible, but he loved that look.

"You sure you can't call in?" she asked, with a sexy smile.

"No, but as soon as Jameson falls asleep tonight," he began, pulling her into his arms. "You're mine."

She laughed and combed her fingers through his wet hair. "I missed you, you know that?"

"Yeah, I missed you, too," he kissed her, feeling guilt as if it were sitting on his shoulder.

She pulled back and looked at him, studying him carefully. "You sure everything's okay?"

Feeling uncomfortable under his scrutiny, he looked away. This would be the moment to tell her, before he left for work. She wouldn't go off on him too badly and by the time he got home tonight, her anger would have diminished enough that she wouldn't still want to kill him.

"Mikey," she softly said, turning his face back towards her. "What's going on?"

"I…" he began, wondering how to tell her. "I did something really stupid last night."

Concern spread across her features. "What did you do?"

"When I was at Peter J's, I ran into Holly from across the hall. We sat and drank and talked all night." He watched as her eyes narrowed and her brows furrowed, only for a moment, before returning to her prior concerned expression. No matter how fleeting it was, he recognized that look and the anger that accompanied it. He also appreciated the fact that she was trying not to jump to conclusions, no matter how right they'd be.

"Is that all that happened?" she asked her tone even.

"I walked her home and waited until she opened her door."

"And?"

He closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them, "She kissed me."

She raised a brow, but didn't raise her voice. "Did you kiss her back?"

"I didn't push her away," he simply said, feeling like the world's biggest shit.

She nodded, taking in his answer, digesting it. After what felt like an eternity, she spoke. "If she would have invited you in, would you have gone?"

Without hesitation, he answered. "No."

"No?"

"God, no, Katie," he said, taking her by the arms. "I said good night to her and turned to walk away; she called me back and then kissed me. It was one kiss and I have felt like shit since I walked away from her."

She nodded again, still digesting the situation.

He decided to tell her the rest. "We're supposed to meet for a drink tonight."

"Are you going?" she asked, her voice cold.

"Only long enough to tell her I made a mistake last night and that I am married and I love my wife," he said. "Katie…"

She held her hand up. "Don't."

"But…"

"Please?"

He stood, watching as she paced the bathroom. "Talk to me?" he tried.

"What do you want me to say?" she asked, her voice quiet, but her tone telling him she was close to flipping out. "Do you want me to say its okay that you kissed another woman and made an appointment to have a drink with her?"

"No," he said, not knowing what else to say.

"Then, what?"

"I don't know," he returned, frustrated with himself. "I know I fucked up. But I swear, I really didn't initiate the kiss."

"You didn't push her away, either," she reminded.

"No, and I should have…" he shook his head, "Look, Katie, I should have pushed her away. I could give you a million reasons why I didn't, but you won't buy any of them."

"Try me," she returned, leaning against the sink, arms folded across her chest.

"The truth is, I enjoyed sitting there talking to her. We didn't flirt, we didn't come on to each other, we sat, and talked, and laughed."

"And in all of this, you never mentioned your wife and daughter?"

"No, I didn't," he honestly replied, knowing that she wasn't pleased with that answer. "We talked about the city and about growing up. I didn't think anything about not mentioning you because it wasn't like we were trying to pick each other up. We were just talking."

"If you were just talking, why did she kiss you?"

"I don't know. You wanna know the truth? It surprised the shit outta me. Jesus, Katie, I haven't kissed another woman in two and a half years. I haven't tried to pick up a woman, I haven't even thought about it."

"Come on, Mikey…you'd be inhuman if you didn't think about other women," she replied, with a sniff. "I know you do…you sat there the other night telling me that you'd bang Sarah Jessica Parker."

"That's different, she's someone I'd never get a shot with in a million years," he dismissed. "Besides, you tell me you're hot for Sting all the time. I don't get jealous."

"Okay, fine. But I can't believe you don't think about any other woman you know," she insisted.

"I said I don't think about picking them up," he returned, knowing he wouldn't win that point with her and trying to deflect the conversation. "Kate, I love you. I am in love with you. I want to be with you for the rest of our lives."

"And yet, you kissed Holly," she concluded.

"She kissed me…"

"Okay, she kissed you, you didn't push her away, you didn't tell her you were married, you stood there and agreed that you'd meet her for a drink tonight."

"Yeah, that's about it," he concluded.

She nodded, then reached into the shower and turned the water on. "I'm going to take a shower," she announced, then got into the shower and pulled the shower curtain closed.

Logan walked into the bathroom and quickly got dressed. As he tied his tie, Kate walked into the room, wrapped in her terry cloth robe. Her dark red hair was still damp and hung in long curls. But what he really noticed was that her eyes were red rimmed and wet, as if she'd been crying.

"Katie…" he softly said, stepping to her but not touching her.

"So, we've fallen into the trap," she quietly said, "We're married, we have a kid, two careers, and the spark is gone from our marriage." She sat on the end of the bed. "Wow, it took us a whole year and a half before we lost it…"

"We didn't lose it," he replied, sitting next to her. "What about this morning? There was a lot of sparking going on …"

"What about last night? If there was enough sparking you wouldn't have needed to have drinks with someone else."

"I'm sorry, if I could take it back I would. I feel like shit and I swear to you, it won't happen again. I will meet her tonight, but only long enough to tell her that I was out of line and that I have a wife and a beautiful daughter at home and then, I will come home and do whatever it takes to make it up to you." He waited, while she sat, brow raised, clearly debating her response.

"What time will you be home?"

"I'm meeting her at 7, give me half an hour. Peter J's is a five minute walk. I'll be home by 7:35."

9:30 pm

Kate carried a sleeping Jameson into her bedroom and lay her down in her crib, covering her with a light blanket. As she left the bedroom, the phone rang. She walked into the bedroom and lifted the handset.

"Hello?"

"Katie, it's me," Logan's voice began. He'd called her at 7:30 to tell her that Holly was late and then at 8 to tell her that Holly didn't show. He said he was going to finish his drink and would walk home. When she didn't hear back from him, he assumed that Holly had showed up and they were talking. She tried to not be jealous and to trust him. It was a hard battle, but she felt she had pretty much succeeded. Now, she wasn't so sure.

"Hey, what's up?"

"She's dead, Kate."

"What? Who's dead?"

"Holly," he replied, "I was walking home and there she was…"

"Where are you?"

"At work, I need to be here…"

"I understand," she said, although, she didn't, not totally.

"I'll be home soon…"

"It's okay," she lied, then heard dial tone. As she hung up, she wondered why she was jealous of a dead woman.

11:45 pm

Logan walked into the apartment and pulled the door shut behind him. After slipping on the dead bolt, he walked into the apartment to find the TV on. He could see that Kate had been lying on the sofa, but had sat up and was trying to force herself awake.

"Hey," she said, standing up. "I was trying to wait up for you…guess that didn't work too well, huh?"

"You didn't have to," he said, surprised at how guilty he still felt.

"Oh yeah?" she smiled, walking to him. "By the looks of you, I think I did." She slipped her arms around him.

Gratefully, he held her tight, burying his face in her hair, breathing in the soft, familiar scent of her shampoo. "Katie…"

"Shhhh," she softly said, muffled by his shoulder, "You don't have to say anything…"

He held her back at arms length, studying her. There wasn't a trace of anger on her face, just sorrow. "But…"

"I know what happened, Mikey, but no matter how I feel about it, she's dead." She looked at him, holding his eyes with hers. "You told me you had no intention of hooking up with her. I have to believe you."

"I need to find out who did this," he said, hoping she'd understand.

"It's been bumped to Major Crimes?"

"No, but the local precinct isn't exactly concerned about it…" he sniffed.

She opened her mouth to speak, and then stopped.

"What?" he asked, steeling himself for her rebuttal.

Instead, she shook her head, "You do what you gotta do, okay? Just don't do anything stupid."

Apartment of Mike and Kate Logan

May 25, 2007

6:30 pm

"Okay, Jami," Kate said, snapping the lid on Jameson's "sippy" cup. "Let's try this again." She set the cup down on the tray of her highchair. "Go for it."

Jamison grinned, picked up the cup and banged it on the tray.

"No, you drink out of it," Kate laughed, then picked up the cup and held it to Jameson's lips so that she could drink. Once she was sure that Jameson had the cup in her grip again, she released it. As she did, she heard the front door open and shut.

"Da!!!" Jameson squealed, grinning broadly.

"I think so," Kate laughed, watching as her daughter bounced excitedly in her seat.

"Da!!" she repeated, banging her cup on the tray.

"Did someone call me?" Logan began, walking into the kitchen, causing his daughter to squeal with delight.

"I think your fan club did," Kate said, watching as he walked to the high chair, then bent and kissed his daughter on the top of her head.

"Hello there, Miss Jay," he said, with a tired smile.

"Cup!" she said, holding out her cup.

"Yes, that is what it is," he smiled, exchanging a look with Kate. "Do you know how to use it?"

"Cup!" she repeated, banging it on the tray.

"No, that's not it," he shook his head, and then took the cup from her. "You do it like this…" he held the cup to her lips and watched as she drank from it. "Now, you do it." He took her hands and placed them on the handle, then released the cup. "Go on…"

With a grin, she banged the cup on the tray again, "Cup!!"

"Or you could do that," he said. Feeling her eyes on him, he looked up at Kate. "What?"

"You okay?"

He shrugged.

"We didn't get a call to come down for the husband," she tried.

"We cut him loose," he tiredly said.

"Why? I thought he killed her."

"So did I," he returned, pulling off his tie. "She jumped."

"Mikey, I'm sorry," she sincerely said.

"Thanks," he returned, "I'm gonna get changed."

"What do you want me to make for dinner?"

"I'm not hungry," he replied, walking out of the room.

11:15 pm

Logan sprawled out on the bed, watching the Yankees game. Hearing Kate walk into the room, he looked up.

"She go back to sleep?" he asked, watching as she slipped back into bed.

"Yeah," she yawned, laying her head back on the pillows. "Yanks catch up?"

"Not even close," he sniffed, picking up the remote and turning off the television. He rolled onto his side to face her, "Come 'ere."

She turned on her side towards him. "What?"

He pulled her into his arms and held her close. "I love you, Katie."

"I love you too, Mikey,' she quietly said.

"You're wrong, you know," he said, kissing her softly. "I never lost the spark."

"It felt like you did," she quietly said.

"I didn't," he insisted, studying her face in the dim light from the bathroom.

"I know I haven't exactly been the most seductive creature lately," she admitted.

"Stop…"

"I mean it," she went on, "If I'm not working, I'm with Jami. We really haven't had any time for us."

"I haven't helped," he quietly said, "I've been working too much. I finally get a night free and what did I do?"

"You needed to decompress, I understand."

"No, I should've come home," he insisted, resisting the urge to get angry at himself again. "I could've had a couple of drinks here."

"Do you have to work this weekend?"

"No, why?"

"Tess offered to stay here with Jami tomorrow night," she began.

"What do you have in mind?"

"What if I try to get us a room at the Peninsula? We can order room service, relax, and spend some time alone."

"You sure you're ready to leave her over night?"

"She's going to be with Tess, she'll be fine," Kate said, trying to convince herself. "I just thought it might be nice to get away for a night and be alone."

He kissed her deeply. "I think it's a great idea. It's been a while since we've been able to actually make noise."

"Promise me something, Mikey," she began, sounding almost embarrassed.

Her tone had him curious. "What?"

"If you ever do lose the spark, promise me you'll tell me?"

"Katie," he began, but she cut him off.

"I mean it," she insisted. "You're married to the Executive Assistant to the DA and if that isn't bad enough, now, I'm a mother. One of the two job descriptions is enough to kill a relationship, put them both together and…"

"Stop it," he gently said, "In case you're forgetting, you married a cop. Not a job with a stable marriage building reputation." He kissed her again. Deciding that honesty was definitely called for in this situation, he continued. "I did screw up. I can't take it back, but I learned my lesson. You and me, we've been through a lot. I'm not gonna throw it all away."

"Guess this was what Phil was talking about when he said we need to work at the "Us" part of our relationship, huh?" she mused.

"Yeah, I guess it was," he agreed, then, "So, we're good? You and me?"

"Yeah, we're good."

He kissed her, slipping his hands beneath her short silk nightgown and tugging it up over her hips. "Good…now, let's discuss those sparks."


	10. Chapter 10

**_Office of Executive ADA Kate Logan_**

**_June 6, 2006_**

**_1:45 pm_**

Hearing a knock on the door frame to her office, Kate Logan looked up to find Detective Ed Green, wearing a broad smile.

"With a grin like that, I'm hoping you're bringing me good news?" she began.

"Nico Buskevich is being held in the County lock up in Augusta, Maine," he grinned, walking into the office.

"That's damn good news," she returned the grin. "You'll totally make my day if you tell me they're going to release him to us for trial."

"Consider your day made. They'll have him processed for extradition tomorrow morning at 7 am."

"Well then, I guess that calls for a road trip, doesn't it?"

"You up for it?"

"Me?" she seemed surprised.

"Come on, Kate, you know you're dyin' to get this guy as bad as I am," he coaxed.

Jack McCoy spoke, as he walked into the office. "I think you should go."

"And why do you think I should go?"

"You earned it," he simply said. "You've put more man hours in on this one than anybody else. You mean to tell me you're going to give up a chance to save your win in the bottom of the ninth inning?"

"There he goes with the baseball metaphors again," she laughed.

"They've served me well," he playfully sniffed, then, "She's going with you Detective. Consider it an executive order."

"Well then, I guess I'm in." She looked at Ed, "You want to set it up and let me know what time we're leaving?"

"Yeah, it's like a 5 and a half hour drive," he returned, thinking out loud, "If we leave first thing in the morning…"

"My suggestion?" Jack chimed in, causing them both to look at him, "Go up tonight. Be there at 7 am when Buskevich is ready to go."

"He's got a point," Ed agreed. "If not, it's going to take all day and then we have to turn around and drive back."

Kate mulled this over, "Let's see if we can find a semi decent hotel near the jail. We'll ride up tonight, and be there waiting when they open the jailhouse doors. Now, I just need to get a hold of my husband and give him the good news."

_**Major Case Squad Room**_

_**2:30 pm**_

Mike Logan was not happy. Truth was, he hadn't been thrilled about work since Megan Wheeler took off for some bogus assignment in Europe. He'd been without a partner, often working third wheel with Goren and Eames, sometimes working alone. He didn't mind the latter, but hated being a tag along.

Today, he was working with Goren and Eames. "Working with" being another term for doing the crap research jobs that involved spending hours on the internet, the phone, and pouring through old case files.

Tiredly, he picked up his lukewarm coffee and took a sip. As he set the cup down, the phone rang. He lifted it on the second ring. "Logan," he barked.

"Hi Mikey," Kate's voice began, causing him to smile.

"Hey, Katie, how are ya?"

"Pretty damn psyched," she began, and he could hear the excitement in her voice.

"About?"

"Nico Buskevich is in the county lockup in Augusta, Maine," she explained.

Logan recognized the name of the pedophile that'd skipped bail during his trial four months ago. He knew that Kate had felt it her own personal fault that the man was on the loose, despite the fact that the arraignment judge gave him bail, not her personally. "That's great. Is Maine going to extradite?"

"Tomorrow morning at 7 am, he belongs to the great state of New York again."

"Cool, who gets to go get him?"

"Well, that's why I'm calling. I'm going."

"Kate…" he began, but she cut him off.

"Mikey, come on. You know how I feel about this one. "

"Who are you going with?

"Ed Green from the 2-7. It was his case the first time around."

"So, you need me to take Jay to day care tomorrow morning?"

"Yeah, but I also need you to meet me at home as soon as you can. We're driving up tonight, so that we can be there at 7."

"Are you sure that's smart?" he asked, hackles rising. Something about her riding up to Maine wasn't sitting right with him. He wasn't quite sure why, but he didn't want her to go.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she countered, her tone mirroring his.

"Katie, come on…why do you need to go tonight?"

"Cuz it's an almost 6 hour drive and it will take all damn day and night tomorrow to get there and back."

"But…"

"Mike, if you can't take care of Jami, I'll call your sister and ask her to keep her for the night."

"That won't be necessary," he shot, knowing he wouldn't win this battle.

"Good, I'll pick her up and get her home. Ed's meeting me at our place at 7."

**_Apartment of Mike and Kate Logan_**

**_June 6, 2006_**

**_6:45 pm_**

Mike sat on the sofa, watching while Jamison happily gummed a set of plastic keys.

"Mikey," Kate began, walking out of the bedroom. "Are you sure you don't want me to call Tess?"

"I'm sure," he said, looking up at her. She'd changed from her tailored suit to a pair of faded jeans and a black scoop necked t-shirt. He liked it when she was dressed for work, looking all tight assed and official, but had to admit, he liked it better when she dressed down. She'd even pulled her hair up into a high pony tail. She looked relaxed, comfortable, and terribly sexy.

A wave of jealousy flowed through him as he remembered that she would be spending the night, not with him, but with another man. Sure, he knew it was work related, but she looked good and he had to admit, he'd have a hard time resisting her if he was stuck in a hotel room with her. Of course, it was way too convenient that the hole in the wall motel they chose only had one no-smoking room available. Come on, the place was five minutes from the county jail, how could they be that booked up? Something just did not sit right with Logan on that one.

"What's that look for?" she asked, hanging her garment bag on the edge of the entertainment center.

"What look?"

"I dunno, you tell me," she mused, sitting down next to him and lifting Jamison onto her lap.

Jamison grinned at Kate, "Mama!"

"I wasn't aware I had a look," Logan continued.

Kate shrugged, "You did, but whatever. I laid out her clothes for tomorrow morning. All of her stuff for daycare is packed up in the pink bag in the kitchen. Her snacks and stuff are in that thermal bag with the kittens on it in the fridge…"

"I know, you left me a note," he said, willing himself to relax.

"Mikey…" she tiredly said. "I'll be back in 24 hours."

"Yeah, I know…"

"Hey," she reached out and took his hand, "Talk to me. What's eating you? You're still freaked out about what happened to Alex Borgia, aren't you?"

He shrugged, not willing to admit to her that his thinking went nothing along that line.

"We're picking up a pedophile, who's been in jail for days. He's not part of a gang; no one's going to come after me. Hell, there will probably be a few people who want to shake my hand."

"I worry, so sue me," he shrugged.

"I'll be perfectly safe. Ed's gonna be armed the whole time and we're gonna have a uniformed officer from Augusta sit in the back seat with Buskevich the whole way home."

"And tonight?" he asked, watching as her expression changed. Shit, he thought, she figured me out.

"That's what this is about?" She could tell by the subtle shift of emotion in his eyes that she'd hit on his reasoning and it pissed her off. "Let me get this straight. You're concerned about me sharing a room with Ed Green? What? You think we're going to drive 6 hours to a cheap ass hotel in Maine just to hook up?"

"No…"

"Bullshit." She shook her head. "Jesus, Mikey, I cannot believe you." She stood up and sat Jamison in her walker. "You've got to be kidding me."

"Yeah, but look at it from my side," he tried, although he knew it was a losing battle.

"I'd try, but I don't think I could get my head that far up my ass," she sniffed.

"Nice, real nice," was his dry reply. "I'm sending you off, looking all hot like that, to spend the night in a hotel room with a guy who's got a reputation for liking the ladies."

"For Christ's sake, Mikey, I'm a married woman and he's practically married to Doctor Cesarone from the morgue, or have you forgotten that?"

"Practically married ain't married," Logan sniffed.

"I'm going to stop having this conversation with you before I say something that I regret."

Logan opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by the sound of the door buzzer. He watched as Kate walked to the intercom and hit the button.

"Hello?" she said.

"Kate? It's Ed Green."

"Hey, Ed, I'll buzz you up," she said, the pressed the button to open the door. She turned back to Logan, "Don't be an ass, okay?"

He didn't reply, instead, he lifted Jamison from her walker. "Hey there, Ms. Jay," he smiled, causing her to smile and clap. "It's just you and me tonight. What do you say we watch the Yankees game?"

She clapped and loudly squealed.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," he agreed, as Kate opened the door and ushered in Ed Green.

"I'm just about ready to go," she said, as they walked into the living room. "Just gotta say a couple of quick goodbyes."

"Hey, Logan," Ed nodded.

"Green," Logan returned, trying hard to be pleasant.

"Hey there, Jamison," Ed smiled, waving at Jamison, who grinned and waived back.

"You two have met?" Logan asked, clearly surprised.

"A couple of times," Kate explained, "Ms. Jami likes to spend lunch hour in my office." She took the baby from Logan and held her close. "You be a good girl for Daddy tonight, Jami," she cooed, kissing the top of her head. "Mommy will be home before bedtime tomorrow."

"Sooner, if possible," Ed agreed. "I've got to be home to go to a concert tomorrow night."

"Really? Who are you going to see?" Kate asked, handing the baby back to Logan.

"Ruby Cesarone's violin solo debut," he proudly said, then laughed. "She's pretty good for a nine year old."

"Doctor Cesarone's kid?" Logan asked.

Ed nodded, "Yeah, she's all freaked out about playing her first solo and made me swear I'd be there."

"See," Kate quietly said, as she pecked Logan's cheek. "I told you."

"Katie," he said, as she stepped away, but she ignored him.

"You ready, Ed? I wanna get to the hotel in time to get some sleep."

"I'm ready when you are," he returned, picking up her over night bag.

"Call me when you get there, okay?" Logan asked.

"I don't wanna wake you up," she dismissed.

"I'll be awake."

"Okay," she shrugged, then with a big smile, "Bye Jami! I'll see you tomorrow night."

_**RodeWay Inn**_

_**Augusta, Maine**_

_**June 7, 2006**_

_**1:05 am**_

Kate kicked off her shoes and padded barefoot across the carpeted floor. "No offense, Ed, but that was one long ass ride."

"Who are you tellin'?" he agreed, dropping his suitcase on one of the two double beds. "I drove."

She sat on the other bed and studied the alarm clock, "Okay, so, we're five minutes from the jail, so to be there at seven…"

"So, we need to get up around 5:30?"

"You want to take the first shower?"

"You go first," he dismissed, opening his bag, "It doesn't take me long to get ready."

"Cool, works for me," she yawned, "Oh, excuse me."

"Don't start," he laughed. "I've gotta call home and let her know I'm here safe."

"Yeah, I suppose I should do that too," she agreed, watching as Ed pulled out his cell phone and dialed.

Kate pulled her cell phone out of her purse, trying not to listen as Ed spoke. As she dialed home, she could hear his side of the conversation.

"Hey Boo, it's me…" he began, his voice quiet and soft. "Yeah, we're here. It was a long ass ride. Good damn thing Kate was there or I'd've been sleeping…"

Sighing, she dialed her own phone and waited two rings before Logan's voice answered.

"Katie?" he began, sounding wide awake.

"Hey there," she replied, pulling a pair of silk pajamas out of her bag. "We're here."

"How was the ride?"

"Long," she said, carrying the pajamas into the bathroom and pulling the door shut. "Jami go to sleep okay tonight?"

"She was looking for you, but after half an hour in the rocker and me singing to her she crashed."

Kate smiled, "You sang to her?"

"Yeah, I didn't know what else to do. Talking to her only woke her up more, so I sang to her."

"What did you sing?"

"The only slow song that came to mind," he said, hesitating. "Babe, by Styx."

Kate laughed. "Where the hell did that one come from?"

"It was on the radio in the break room when I went in for coffee and it got stuck in my head," he laughed. "Trust me; it wouldn't have been my first choice."

"I would have loved to see that," she softly laughed.

"Yeah, well, if you were here, I wouldn't have had to do it," he allowed, then, quickly, "I don't mean anything by that…"

"Yeah, I know," she sighed.

"Katie, I'm sorry I was an asshole," he quietly said.

"I'm sorry you were, too. Look, Mikey, we'll talk about this in person, okay? I'm tired, I've got to get up in four hours and I'm just not in the frame of mind to do this right now, okay?"

"Okay. I love you."

"Me, too."

"Call me at some point tomorrow?"

"I'll send you a text when we leave up here, okay?"

"Okay. Good night, Katie."

"Night," she said, flipping her phone shut.

Kate quickly changed into her pajamas, and then walked back into the room.

Ed was lying in bed, but still on the phone. Spotting her, he placed his hand over the mouth piece, "You can turn off the light. I'll be done in a minute."

"Don't rush off on my behalf. See you in the morning," she smiled, slipping into bed and turning off the light. She turned on her side, facing the window and closed her eyes. She didn't want to eavesdrop, but found herself listening to his conversation.

"Yeah, I know," he quietly said, "I love you too…Give Rubes a kiss for me in the morning…I will…'kay…'night, Boo."

_**Apartment of Mike and Kate Logan**_

_**June 7, 2006**_

_**6:45 pm**_

"Okay, Jamison," Logan said, watching as she picked up an "o-shaped" noodle and placed it in her mouth. "Finish those noodle things and we'll have some cookies."

"Cook…" she said, her spaghetti sauce face forming a grin.

"Yeah," he laughed, "And we'll hose you down, too."

Hearing the front door open and shut, Jamison looked up, her eyes wide. "Mama?"

"I think so," Logan nodded.

"Mama!" Jamison called.

"It's me!" Kate called back, walking into the kitchen. "Look at you, all covered in sauce. You're a saucy little monkey."

"Up!" Jamison commanded, holding her arms out.

"Let's clean you off first, okay?" Logan said, grabbing a baby wipe from the container on the counter and wiping her hands and face. "We don't wanna mess up Mommy's suit." Once she was clean, he took off her bib. "There, now you're safe. Let's get rid of this tray…"

Kate watched him work. Despite the smile he wore, she could read the guilt he felt.

"You ready to grab her if I pull off the tray?" he asked.

"Go for it," Kate replied. As soon as he pulled off the tray, Jamison threw herself at Kate, who caught her in a bear hug. "Hello there Jami," she said, kissing the baby. "Were you a good girl for daddy?"

"She was very good," Logan answered. "Especially this morning, she got right up and didn't fight me when I got her dressed."

"What a good girl!" Kate said, causing Jamison to smile. She turned to Logan, "And what a good Daddy."

He shrugged, "I did my best."

She pecked his cheek. "You did a good job. Thank you."

He shrugged again, "Did you eat?"

She thought for a moment, "I'm running on six pack of Red Bull and one hot dog from Sammy's cart."

Logan winced, "Ouch, you're going to crash and it's not going to be pretty."

"Not in the least," she agreed. "Did you have dinner?"

"I was waiting for you. What are you in the mood for?"

"Something I don't have to chew?" she tiredly said, then, "Surprise me?"

_**9:30 pm**_

Yawning, Kate slipped into bed. As she laid her head back onto the pillows, Logan walked into the room. "God it feels good to lay down," she sighed.

"Can you go in late tomorrow?" he asked, striping off his clothes.

"I wish," she yawned, watching as he got into bed and turned off the light.

He lay on his back, looking up at the ceiling. "If I try to hug you, will you knee me in the nuts?"

"Mikey," she sighed, rolling onto her side and placing her hand on his chest. "I won't knee you in the nuts."

"You should."

"Stop, please?"

"I was an asshole," he protested.

"I'm not gonna lie and say you weren't."

"Wanna hear my side of it?"

"Sure, go ahead."

He turned onto his side to face her and placed his hand on the curve of her hip. "Between the shit I caused last month and Alex Borgia getting' killed, things have been weird around here. You've looked so down and haven't been yourself, except when you're around Jamison."

She opened her mouth to protest, but he continued talking.

"When you first told me about going up to Maine, I did think about your safety. But, when you got home, you were so…" he searched for the right word, "Excited. You walked out of the bedroom in your jeans, with your hair all up and it was all I could do not to jump you right there."

She blushed, "Mikey…"

"What? I'm not allowed to get turned on by my own wife?"

"Yeah, you are, but you're forgetting the point of your story," she gently coaxed.

"Oh yeah, anyway, I guess I got jealous, thinking you were going to be with Green all night instead of me and sharing a hotel room and all. I know it was stupid, but..."

"I can't believe you even thought that Ed and I would think of something like that."

"Come on, Katie, you said it yourself, you think he's a good looking guy."

"Of course I do, he's hot," she agreed. "And, yes, in another world, if he and I were both single, I would probably go out with him if he asked. But, this is not another world. Neither of us is single and we both know that. So, instead of trying to date each other, we've hit it off as friends. Want to know what we did on the car ride up to Maine? Talked about you and Trina Cesarone, and Jamison and Trina's daughter Ruby. Wanna know what happened in the hotel room? We checked in, called home, and went to sleep in separate beds."

"Katie…"

"He knew you were pissed about me going and more than once, he offered to take me back home," she went on, clearly on a roll.

"Oh great, so now he thinks I'm an asshole, too?"

She shook her head, "No, he doesn't. He said he could understand where you were coming from and actually spent the better part of an hour trying to make me understand it."

Logan raised a brow. "He did?"

She nodded. "Yeah, he did. You owe him one, cuz I was really ready to pack my shit and move out when I got back."

"You were?" he seemed surprised.

"Yeah," she nodded. "I was. Come on, Mikey, less than a month ago, you kissed another woman. I thought I'd forgiven you for that, but last night, when all the jealousy shit came out, I started thinking about how hypocritical that was and for a while, yeah, I was wondering what the hell I was still doing here."

"Wow," he simply said.

"Yeah, wow," she agreed. "It really kinda scared me. It still does."

"So, what does this mean?"

"I honestly don't know. I called Emil Skota today and made an appointment to talk to him. Obviously, I'm not over it like I thought I was."

"I can't believe I'm fucking this up again. Like I didn't learn after the first time."

"And I think that's what got pulled up when you told me about Holly," she admitted. "I'd really put it behind me, but I guess I didn't."

"There's got to be something I can do or say…"

"I think it's me," she admitted, then dryly laughed. "I always hated the _it's-not- you- it's- me_ line, but here I am using it."

"Katie, you gotta know how much I love you," he said, desperation clear in his tone.

"I know, Mikey, and I love you, too," she caressed his cheek.

"You really thought about leaving me?"

"For a few minutes, yeah," she nodded. "It scared the shit outta me."

"I wouldn't blame you, you know. You are married to the world's biggest fuck up."

"Stop it," she firmly said. "I will not lay here and listen to you beat yourself up."

"Yeah, well, somebody needs to kick the shit outta me," he sniffed. "I went to see Liz Olivet after we closed the case on Holly. Told her how I nearly blew everything, I sat there and beat myself up pretty damn good. She gave me some psychological bullshit about how people can be so afraid to lose someone that they subconsciously push them away."

"You're afraid you're going to lose me," she said, digesting the statement as she said it.

"I have been," he admitted, grateful for the darkness. "I was afraid after Holly, then Alex Borgia gets killed and that set it off even more." He pulled her into his arms. "Katie, I love you. I can't let you walk away again. I will do what ever I need to do…"

"Stop," she quietly said, exhaustion taking over her mind. She needed to sleep, not argue. "Just stop, okay? The thought was there, for a few minutes, but it left. Now, I need to get some sleep, okay?" She pecked his cheek, rolled over onto her back, pulled the covers up and closed her eyes. Within moments, she drifted into a deep, dreamless sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

Office of EADA Kate Logan

_**Office of EADA Kate Logan**_

_**Friday, June 8, 2006**_

_**11:45 am**_

Kate Logan sat behind her desk, staring at witness testimony transcripts. She assumed, to anyone who passed the open door of her office, that she looked totally engrossed in her reading. She wished that were true. Instead of skimming the words on the paper in front of her, she stared off, the letters swimming out of focus.

She let out a sigh, mindful of how dramatic it sounded, then tried to force her focus back to the testimony.

"How many times have you re-read the same page?" Jack McCoy's voice began from her doorway.

Kate snapped her head up. "What?"

"Yeah, I know that look," he nodded, "What's your afternoon look like?"

"I'm supposed to be coming up with an opening for the Montenegro trial on Monday," she shrugged, closing the folder and setting it on the desk. "Why do you ask?"

Jack walked in and reached over to her book shelf, lifting the black motorcycle helmet. He held it out to her, "Let's go get some lunch."

A smile formed as she spoke, "You want to ride?"

"I know this great place out on the Island," he began. "Come on. I'll have you back by the time you need to pick Jamison up at day care." He braced for her protest and was surprised when she stood up and took the helmet from his outstretched hand.

"Why the hell not?"

_**Rockaway Sam's **_

_**Rockaway Beach, NY**_

_**1:45 pm**_

"So," Kate said, looking up at Jack while she picked at a crab cake with a plastic fork. "I thought I was doing a damn good job of acting like nothing was wrong."

"I'm sure you were, to most people," he allowed.

"But you're not most people, are you?" she laughed.

"I hope not," he laughed, then, "What's eating you?"

Kate took a deep breath and debated the wisdom of spilling her guts to McCoy. He noticed her reluctance and spoke.

"Come on, Kate, it's me you're talking to…"

"Okay, but it goes no further than you and me," she warned.

With an exaggerated hurt expression he said, "Who would I tell?"

"Okay, okay," she shook her head and sipped her soda. "Here's Readers' Digest Condensed Version. Shortly before Alex was killed, Mike kissed our neighbor."

"What?"

"Long story, it was stupid, he was wrong, he knew it. We were dealing with it and then Alex…" she shook her head again. "Anyway, that totally screwed with his head."

"And then you went to Maine."

"Yeah, and then I went to Maine," she nodded. "Mike wasn't exactly thrilled with me going. He was less thrilled with the fact that I was going up and spending the night in a hotel room with Ed Green."

McCoy raised a brow.

"Yeah," she agreed, picking up on his expression. "Seems he threw some innuendo about Ed and me hooking up."

"You? Cheating on Logan?" McCoy sniffed. "Cheating isn't in your make up."

"Wanna know the truth?"

"Of course, I'm a lawyer," he quipped.

"This really stays between us."

"Katrina," he prompted

"Well, he had me so freaking pissed off that night that honestly, if Ed wasn't so wrapped up in his girlfriend, I might have made a move on him out of spite."

"Get out of here," McCoy laughed, then stopped, realizing she wasn't joking. "You really would have?"

"I don't know, Jack. He just pissed me off. Barely a month ago, he kissed our neighbor and then, he had the balls to accuse me of planning some elaborate scheme to spend the night with someone? I guess some immature part of me thought I'd give him what he wanted."

"I doubt Detective Green would have taken you up on it," McCoy protested, "Not that you're not a desirable woman, but I don't see him as the kind to shit in his own back yard to such a degree."

"Yeah, well, I know he wouldn't have," she dismissed, "Like I said, he's very much in love with his girlfriend. From what he told me, they've been to Hell and back and he wouldn't dream of doing anything to mess that up."

"To Hell and back, huh? Sounds like you and Logan."

"Yeah, but we haven't come back from this trip to Hell," she tiredly said. "After I decided screwing Ed wasn't part of the deal, I contemplated leaving Mike."

"I had no idea it was that bad."

"See, that's the thing, Jack," she rationalized, "It's not. It hasn't been. Except for the incident with the neighbor and his being an ass about me going to Maine, it's been okay. I thought that after Alex getting killed, we were actually getting closer."

"And what's Mike doing about all of this?"

"Walking around with the wounded puppy thing going on, acting like he's lower than shit on my shoe. I just want it to go away. I want to forget all of this and go back to the way we were." She looked at him, "Childish, huh?"

"Honest," he corrected with a smile.

"Well, I saw Emil Skota today, just to talk it out with a professional."

"And?"

"And? It didn't really help," she admitted. "Actually, the fact that I made an appointment with Emil instead of Liz Olivet nearly started an argument with Mike last night. He didn't understand why I didn't go to her to talk. Maybe it's me, but why would I want to talk about him to someone who has such a past with him."

"She's seen him through a lot," McCoy allowed.

"Yeah," she sniffed. "They're close."

"And that bothers you?"

"Jack, I know you heard the rumors about them."

McCoy had heard the rumor that the professional relationship between Logan and Olivet had taken on a less than professional tone at least once, but he assumed that, given Logan's reputation prior to Kate, it was just a rumor.

"You have," she answered for him, "And the rumor is true."

"Wow…"

"Yeah, I know," she sniffed. "Which is why I can't bring myself to talk to her about my marriage. I mean, that happened before Mike and I got back together, so it's not like it matters that way. I would just feel strange."

"So, what do you want out of all of this? Do you still want to leave him?"

"No," she admitted, "You know me, Jack. I love the big idiot. I would have never married him if I wasn't sure I wanted to be with him for the rest of our lives."

"Not mentioning that you have a child," he added.

"We do," she agreed. "And he's so good with her. He had her by himself the night I went to Maine and never once called his sister for help."

"I'm impressed," he laughed, then, "Of course, she is as close to the perfect child as any could be."

"Ah, Uncle Jack, one of her biggest fans," she laughed with him.

"So sue me," he dismissed, "I'm a sucker for Irish girls with green eyes."

"So, anyway," Kate said, setting down her fork. "That's where we stand and that's why I've been so out of it. Now you know the whole sordid tale. What's your opinion?"

McCoy thought for a moment, then spoke, "God help me for saying this, but Logan's not a bad guy. He loves the shit out of you and Jamison and without even knowing the details of this kiss with your neighbor, I can almost bet that he didn't initiate it and probably got caught up in the moment."

"That's what he said."

"As much as it kills me to admit it, he's probably telling the truth," he laughed. "As for the jealousy thing? Well, he's probably still feeling guilty about the kiss and projected that onto your trip."

"But me? Cheating?"

"It wasn't that he didn't trust you, it was probably more that he didn't trust Detective Green," he explained. "Come on, Kate, you're an attractive woman. I'm sure in Logan's mind; every guy out there probably wants you."

She laughed, "In his mind, yeah. In real life?" She laughed again.

"Stop putting yourself down for a minute, okay? Anyway, if you want it to be over, then just move on. He'll figure it out sooner or later."

She looked at him sideways, "You think?"

McCoy nodded. "Yeah, I do. Remember most men are a little slow on the emotional uptake. Logan's slower than most, but it will come to him eventually."

"He'll never believe that you were going to bat for him," Kate mused.

"Then let that be our little secret, okay?"

_**Apartment of Mike and Kate Logan**_

_**June 8, 2006**_

_**6:45 pm**_

Logan walked into the apartment and pulled the door shut behind him. As he walked into the living room, he caught the scent of something spicy coming from the kitchen. His stomach growled at the thought of dinner.

"Katie?" he called, walking through the house.

"In here," she returned, from the kitchen.

He walked in to the kitchen to be greeted by Jamison's usual squeal of "Da!!"

"Hello there, Miss Jay," he grinned, "How's my little girl?"

"DA!!" Jamison repeated, clapping her hands.

He walked to her highchair, then bent and kissed the top of her head. Standing up, he looked at Kate. She was standing at the stove, stirring something in a large skillet.

"Something smells good," he began, looking over her shoulder.

"Tacos," she nodded. "I was talking about them with Casey this morning and decided I was in the mood."

"Tacos work," he nodded, then pecked her cheek. "Do I have time to get changed?"

"Go on," she nodded. "Everything will be ready by the time you finish."

_**9:30 pm**_

Logan walked into the living room to find Kate sitting on the sofa. As was her usual style, she was reading from a magazine but glancing up to the television from time to time. He never understood how she could possibly be able to know what was going on in the article and follow the show she was watching, but invariably she could.

"You watching this?" he asked, knowing the answer.

"Yeah, but it's a rerun," she shrugged, looking up from her article.

"What is it?"

"CSI," she explained, "This is the one where the guys get dressed up like Sherlock Holmes."

Logan nodded, faintly remembering the episode. "Can I put on the Yankees?"

She nodded and resumed her reading.

Logan sat next to her, lifted the remote and switched on the game. Normally, he'd become instantly absorbed in it, but tonight, he had other things on his mind. Kate had gone to see Emil Skota today and he was unsettled about it. He tried, unsuccessfully, to put it out of his mind, all day, but it just wouldn't go away. Even Goren picked up on his mood and asked why he was so distracted. Of course, Logan tried to blow it off and chalk it up to it being an 85 degree, sunny June day, but he knew Goren saw right through it. Luckily, the guy cut him a break and didn't push things.

"Okay," Kate began, causing him to snap his head towards her. "I know you're dying to hear what happened with Emil today."

He shrugged, trying to play it cool. "If you want to tell me."

Kate laughed and Logan thought it sounded like a fond laugh, as opposed to a mocking laugh. This encouraged him, so he continued. "Okay, yeah, I do want to hear. You told me you're thinking about leaving me and then you went to talk to a shrink. I wanna know what's going on."

She smiled at him. "I'm not leaving you, Mikey. Sorry to break it to you, but you're stuck with me for the rest of our lives."

"That's not what you said the other night."

"I was pissed at you the other night," she allowed.

"And I admitted that you had a right to be. Come on Katie, all of Liz Olivet's psychological mumbo jumbo aside, I acted like an idiot."

"We've already addressed this, Mikey. I know what you did, you know what you did. The problem is that we need to just get past it now."

"I'm ready," he agreed, then studied her. "You look…relaxed? Talking to Skota did all of that?"

"No," she admitted, "Jack couldn't handle my mood anymore, so he took me out to Rockaway Beach for a crab cake this afternoon."

Logan raised a brow. "On the motorcycle?"

She nodded, "And it did wonders for my mood. We rode out to Rockaway Sam's and sat on the dock."

"Where you told him the whole story and he know thinks I'm an even bigger asshole, if that's possible," he dryly said.

"No, where I told him the story and he actually made me understand your side of the story."

"Jack McCoy took my side?" Logan asked, incredulous.

"I didn't say he took your side, I said he explained it." She slipped her arms around him and leaned her chin on his shoulder. "Now, can we just admit that we both over reacted and move on?"

He turned, slipping his arms around her. "That depends," he said, seriously, "Is there sex involved?"

Kate laughed, "Mikey is that all you think about?"

"No, not all, just most," he laughed, kissing her softly. "I'm teasing, Katie. Listen, I'm sorry, I did over react and was a total asshole. You scared the hell outta me when you told me you thought about leaving. I don't know what I'd do without you and Jamison."

"Well, you don't have to worry about that," she smiled, "Because it's not going to happen." She kissed him softly. "Now, let's just put this whole thing to rest."

He held her close and kissed her deeply, "I love you, Katie Logan."

"I love you, too, Mikey," she replied.


End file.
